What do we mean when we talk about having hope in recovery? Does it mean that we hope we don’t relapse or that we hope that we’ll be able to withstand whatever obstacles may come our way? Does hope in recovery mean that we’re looking forward to, but not really expecting, that we’ll succeed in our long-term sobriety goal or that we’ll somehow magically erase all the ill-will we’ve caused and the destruction that our addiction has brought about?

For some of us, indeed, maybe for many of us, hope in recovery may be all of these things. But the simple truth is this: Hope means something a little different for each of us. No one person’s idea or belief about the future in recovery is absent some glimmer of hope. If it were, there wouldn’t be much chance of recovery at all. So, we all must have some sort of hopeful thoughts or we wouldn’t be here today talking about the subject.

Where does hope spring from? Is it something that’s naturally occurring or is it something that we have to work hard to find? Let’s take another look at the quote above from Katherine Paterson. When she speaks about hope, it’s not something that a person feels. Rather, it is something that the person does. In other words, we can only truly expect to have hope if we’re doing something that will allow us to measure the results of the hard work that we put into trying to achieve certain goals.

No, we don’t start off with hope. For many of us, especially in early recovery, there’s slim to no track record of any successful efforts at sobriety. If we’ve made it through treatment or somehow managed to get clean and sober by going to meetings and exerting a whole lot of effort, we’re likely to still be filled with fear and trepidation instead of hope. It’s only through the passage of time and being able to see that we can achieve sobriety milestones, learn how to overcome cravings and urges, and begin to make wise decisions about our life in sobriety that make it possible for us to find hope.

The stirring of hope — once it does begin — is something impressive and a reason to be glad. We’ve worked hard to get where we are today. We should take time to rejoice in our accomplishments, reflect on our ability to carve out healthy choices and allow that to motivate us to doing even more from this day forward – starting now.

Remember, too, that hope builds upon itself. It is like a plant that, once its roots are firmly established, thrives and multiplies. In this regard, hope is self-sustaining – although we still need to do the hard work of recovery – and a bit of self-fulfilling. When we’re able to imagine a life filled with possibilities that we arrive at as a result of our recovery efforts, then that is truly hope.

Will we always have hope? If we recognize it and nourish it by continued action, then we will be blessed to see more hope, more often. Never take hope for granted, and be grateful and thankful to our Higher Power for the hope that we do have.

Ivy can be a good thing if those branches reaching out cover up an ugly wall, but they are also a problem, especially certain types of ivy. They can damage the wall, even the foundation upon which its built. They find their way into cracks and crevices, exploiting the weaknesses in the wall.

So if there a bad ivy growing on  your wall?  Did you decide that a principle that kept you sober for the last five years isn’t really that important?  Have you started hanging around with people who abuse drugs and alcohol because you feel you are strong enough to resist? Are you really strong enough to resist?

Bad ivy can manifest itself in many ways, through changes in attitudes – more sullen or resentful – or through changes in behavior – more reclusive and insular. You can always cut back ivy, but unless you get to the roots, it’s tenacious stuff, weaving its way back across your life with little regard for where it goes.

We know when we’re letting bad old thoughts creep back in. We start to feel more impatient. We start to resent our friends and family and employer. We begin to avoid people who aren’t validating our negativity, and we gravitate people who are letting us know it’s ok to hate everything because everything really is an awful mess.

So if this describes your sobriety, maybe its time to dig down deep and figure out what is really going on. Is sobriety still at the top of your list of priorities?

Everyone has their own set of relapse warning signs. These are behaviors or attitudes that can start to reappear during recovery and can undermine your continued success at abstinence.  If you don’t know your warning signs, you are at a disadvantage. Think of these signs as an early warning system, like those sensors in the ocean that warn us about tsunamis so everyone has time to evacuate.  Back when that horrific tsunami hit Thailand and other countries in the area they didn’t have an early warning system for tsunamis triggered by earthquakes – over 200,000 people died because of it.

How can you figure out what your warning signs are?  First place to look is at your life when you were drinking.  What were your typical habits?  How did those change as you progressed in recovery?  You are essentially looking at how your behaviors and attitudes improved, then you backtrack to the place when they were making your life a misery.  Those behaviors and attitudes are probably a pretty good place to start building your early warning system.

Maybe when you were drinking you tended to be cruel toward your spouse.  In sobriety you started to be more patient and kinder.  Your spouse noticed.  Things got better.  If over time this new behavior starts to change – erode, so to speak – that could be a warning you’re going back to the place where alcohol was your fix.

Maybe when you were out there using you were very dishonest, even about the smallest things.  Over time you became more honest and open.  But now you notice you are slipping back into patterns of deception.  You tell “little white lies” to avoid uncomfortable situations or confrontations.  That could be an early warning sign for you.

Why is it that these old behaviors and attitudes often precede the first drink or drug?  Because those behaviors are generally not comfortable.  We naturally feel a little guilty when we deceive those we love.  We feel bad about being needlessly cruel or critical, hurting our loved ones.  The problem is, we don’t like being uncomfortable.  If we put ourselves in a situation where we are very uncomfortable much of the time, it could be that we turn back to our old solution:  drinking or taking drugs.

Develop your early warning system when you are healthy and strong in your recovery. Don’t wait until problems start to crop up – because we tend to lie to ourselves a little better and a little more often when we are off track in recovery, and that list might not be so accurate if we are in denial.

I think the problem that faces people with many years of sobriety who relapse is that they believe things that prevent them from getting on track again. They believe they already know everything because they did it before (clearly they didn’t learn EVERYthing).  They believe the humiliation of saying, “I have one day of sobriety,” is worse than the prospect of deteriorating as an active alcoholic.  They believe if the program or whatever method they used the first time didn’t work, the system failed, so why bother trying it again (blaming someone other than themselves).

Frankly, I think the embarrassment is a big one.  I just say, go to a meeting where no one knows you!  Still, they don’t want to be treated like a newcomer.

This is the equivlaent of saying, after skiing down a mountain, that you don’t want to have to take the lift to the top again. They should just extend the darn mountain! I already lugged myself up there before!  Or someone who has major knee surgery and doesn’t want physical therapy – I’ve been walking since I was 2 – why do I need someone telling me how to walk?!  I mean if you take a class in college and drop out half way through, you don’t get to start in the middle when they offer it the next semester.  Try telling the professor – I already took the first half of the class last year, see you in six weeks!

Whatever obstacles prevent someone from getting help, the most important one to overcome is pride. Pride can stop you from saving your own life.  You don’t have much to be proud about if you’re dead.

I know humans have an infinite ability to rationalize almost any behavior – and some people can rationalize more than others, allowing the most extreme behaviors.

I mean, there are people who can rationalize murder! So it isn’t surprising that an alcoholic could rationalize drinking again. 

The excuses I’ve heard:

I was under a lot of stress at work

I have bad money problems – I just cracked

My husband cheated on me

My mother/friend/someone died and I took it hard

I am afraid to fly and I had to get on a plane; I was so utterly petrified and I just heard myself ordering a drink – it wasn’t really me!

I thought everything was going so right and life seemed so easy; I thought, “Maybe I didn’t really have a problem – it was just that my life was lousy back then. Now my life is good – why would I drink too much?”

I felt uncomfortable because everyone else was drinking and they kept pushing me to have just one