What do we mean when we talk about having hope in recovery? Does it mean that we hope we don’t relapse or that we hope that we’ll be able to withstand whatever obstacles may come our way? Does hope in recovery mean that we’re looking forward to, but not really expecting, that we’ll succeed in our long-term sobriety goal or that we’ll somehow magically erase all the ill-will we’ve caused and the destruction that our addiction has brought about?

For some of us, indeed, maybe for many of us, hope in recovery may be all of these things. But the simple truth is this: Hope means something a little different for each of us. No one person’s idea or belief about the future in recovery is absent some glimmer of hope. If it were, there wouldn’t be much chance of recovery at all. So, we all must have some sort of hopeful thoughts or we wouldn’t be here today talking about the subject.

Where does hope spring from? Is it something that’s naturally occurring or is it something that we have to work hard to find? Let’s take another look at the quote above from Katherine Paterson. When she speaks about hope, it’s not something that a person feels. Rather, it is something that the person does. In other words, we can only truly expect to have hope if we’re doing something that will allow us to measure the results of the hard work that we put into trying to achieve certain goals.

No, we don’t start off with hope. For many of us, especially in early recovery, there’s slim to no track record of any successful efforts at sobriety. If we’ve made it through treatment or somehow managed to get clean and sober by going to meetings and exerting a whole lot of effort, we’re likely to still be filled with fear and trepidation instead of hope. It’s only through the passage of time and being able to see that we can achieve sobriety milestones, learn how to overcome cravings and urges, and begin to make wise decisions about our life in sobriety that make it possible for us to find hope.

The stirring of hope — once it does begin — is something impressive and a reason to be glad. We’ve worked hard to get where we are today. We should take time to rejoice in our accomplishments, reflect on our ability to carve out healthy choices and allow that to motivate us to doing even more from this day forward – starting now.

Remember, too, that hope builds upon itself. It is like a plant that, once its roots are firmly established, thrives and multiplies. In this regard, hope is self-sustaining – although we still need to do the hard work of recovery – and a bit of self-fulfilling. When we’re able to imagine a life filled with possibilities that we arrive at as a result of our recovery efforts, then that is truly hope.

Will we always have hope? If we recognize it and nourish it by continued action, then we will be blessed to see more hope, more often. Never take hope for granted, and be grateful and thankful to our Higher Power for the hope that we do have.

For many of us in recovery, celebration conjures up memories of overindulging in our various drugs of choice. We tend to shy away from the very thought of celebrating for fear that we won’t be able to handle it without relapsing. That’s a shame, and it’s actually counter-productive. But before we can get involved in healthy celebrations, we have to change our mindset about what it means to celebrate – and how important being able to celebrate is to our recovery.

We all know that life is filled with ups and downs. For many of us, dare we say most of us, in recovery, there’ve been more downs than ups. We’re embarked on a journey that we never thought we’d be on, much less have a whole lot of confidence being able to carry off. We tend to view our sobriety as something that we’re deprived of, instead of being joyful about.

That is, in the beginning we may think this. Over time, however, if we actively work the steps of our recovery and strive to keep learning and growing each and every day, our beliefs and behavior begin to change. We will be able to find the joy in our daily lives, to begin to appreciate the beauty and bountifulness and goodness all around and in us.

Part of this comes out of our making it a practice to live each day in the moment, to reflect on the gifts that we have been granted for this day and this moment – and to be thankful for it. This is finding a reason to make each day a special one – and it has absolutely nothing to do with the day or date on the calendar or what year in our lives it is or how long we’ve been living in this residence or even how long we’ve been sober. Yes, milestones are important, especially sobriety milestones. But we should feel inclined to find the beauty and wisdom and lessons that life bestows upon us each and every day – and not wait for some arbitrary deadline or day and then expect to automatically feel joyful.

We can’t feel joy in the future. Feeling happy, celebrating our successes, can only occur in the present. By setting a date in the future and telling ourselves that that’s when we can deserve to celebrate, we’re depriving ourselves of today’s joy and successes. We need constant reinforcement of our recovery efforts, and that entails us allowing – yes, we need to allow this – ourselves to congratulate ourselves on what we’ve done for our sobriety today. Find reasons to celebrate our efforts with loved ones. After all, everyone has a stake in our recovery outcome. Everyone who knows and cares about us wants us to succeed.

Go on, make today special. We can do it – and we’ll feel terrific as a result. And, remember this as well: We have every reason to deserve to celebrate our sobriety.

Ivy can be a good thing if those branches reaching out cover up an ugly wall, but they are also a problem, especially certain types of ivy. They can damage the wall, even the foundation upon which its built. They find their way into cracks and crevices, exploiting the weaknesses in the wall.

So if there a bad ivy growing on  your wall?  Did you decide that a principle that kept you sober for the last five years isn’t really that important?  Have you started hanging around with people who abuse drugs and alcohol because you feel you are strong enough to resist? Are you really strong enough to resist?

Bad ivy can manifest itself in many ways, through changes in attitudes – more sullen or resentful – or through changes in behavior – more reclusive and insular. You can always cut back ivy, but unless you get to the roots, it’s tenacious stuff, weaving its way back across your life with little regard for where it goes.

We know when we’re letting bad old thoughts creep back in. We start to feel more impatient. We start to resent our friends and family and employer. We begin to avoid people who aren’t validating our negativity, and we gravitate people who are letting us know it’s ok to hate everything because everything really is an awful mess.

So if this describes your sobriety, maybe its time to dig down deep and figure out what is really going on. Is sobriety still at the top of your list of priorities?

I think the problem that faces people with many years of sobriety who relapse is that they believe things that prevent them from getting on track again. They believe they already know everything because they did it before (clearly they didn’t learn EVERYthing).  They believe the humiliation of saying, “I have one day of sobriety,” is worse than the prospect of deteriorating as an active alcoholic.  They believe if the program or whatever method they used the first time didn’t work, the system failed, so why bother trying it again (blaming someone other than themselves).

Frankly, I think the embarrassment is a big one.  I just say, go to a meeting where no one knows you!  Still, they don’t want to be treated like a newcomer.

This is the equivlaent of saying, after skiing down a mountain, that you don’t want to have to take the lift to the top again. They should just extend the darn mountain! I already lugged myself up there before!  Or someone who has major knee surgery and doesn’t want physical therapy – I’ve been walking since I was 2 – why do I need someone telling me how to walk?!  I mean if you take a class in college and drop out half way through, you don’t get to start in the middle when they offer it the next semester.  Try telling the professor – I already took the first half of the class last year, see you in six weeks!

Whatever obstacles prevent someone from getting help, the most important one to overcome is pride. Pride can stop you from saving your own life.  You don’t have much to be proud about if you’re dead.

I remember one time going to dinner with my father – he had decided to get sober when I did because when I told him what was going on he though, “Heck, that sounds a lot like me.” It was pretty cool because it seemed to be making him a less angry, more emotionally available person.  I knew not to hang my sobriety on his – because that’s never a good idea.

Anyway, this was a dinner about three years into my sobriety – and I was down visiting my parents for the holidays. We went to this little Italian restaurant they loved and the waitress came over to take drink orders. I ordered my usual favorite – sparkling mineral water (I just love Perrier – and it’s healthier than soda).  My dad looked up and ordered a beer.  Oh man. You can well imagine what my stomach did at that moment. It literally felt like the floor fell out from under me. I’m sure I turned red.

But what do you do?  It was clear by the way he ordered it that he had been doing it for a while, and my history with my father had been anything but warm and cuddly. I honestly didn’t think I could do anything but bite my tongue.

My father died a couple of years ago due to bile duct cancer. For years he had horrible pains in his gut and would pace the floor all night, unable to sleep.  I always wondered how much alcohol abuse may have contributed to whatever degenerative process that triggered cancer. Who knows.

All I can tell you for sure was that he wasn’t happier drinking again.