When we think about following a path, what comes to mind? Do we feel excitement and a sense of adventure? Or do we dread what may lie ahead? The reason it’s important to take some time to consider what a path means to us is that the way we approach a path pretty much sums up our outlook on life.

In recovery, it’s all about following our own unique path. So, we might as well adopt a positive attitude about pathways in general, and our special path in recovery in particular.

Why is our experience so different from that of our fellow group members in the rooms? How can person A’s result be so far removed from that which we experienced? We may as well look at the snowflake analogy. We’re all tempered and honed by millions of different inputs, each unique in and of themselves, but mostly in the way in which we interpret, interact, and make decisions for and about them.

None of us will have exactly the same reaction to the same or even similar inputs. Therefore, the path that we choose to follow, or choose to bypass, will be different for each of us.

This should also give us encouragement, since we are thus freed to chart whatever course makes the most sense to us at any given time, the path that both excites us and fills us with a sense of discovery. Should we be afraid to venture into the unknown? Let’s look at that choice for a moment.

When we face the prospect of moving forward with this plan or that, it understandably involves making certain decisions. Some of these decisions may feel a little awkward, and we may think that we lack the skill or the ability to accomplish whatever it is that we desire. But just because we haven’t learned the skill or perfected the ability yet does not mean that we’re incapable of it. We will only have it when we begin the process and do the work required.

Yes, following our own unique path involves a lot of hard work. Sure, we could take the easy way and coast along, just doing the bare minimum to remain clean and sober. But where’s the accomplishment in that? Where’s the sense of increased self-esteem, the boost of self-confidence, and the satisfaction of achieving a hard-won goal?

This is not to say that we all don’t need a little down-time now and then. Everybody needs to take a break from constant hard work. And being in recovery we know we need to take special care of our needs. Slacking off is not in the cards. Taking adequate time to rest and replenish our spirit does not mean throwing out all our hard work to-date or skipping meetings or deciding that we’ll hang out with the old crowd just for this once. That’s not taking a break. That’s a fool’s errand.

With infinite possibilities come infinite choices. Should we go this way or that? Ask ourselves what our long-term goals are and then spend some time soaking in this potential direction or that. Envision ourselves with this degree or having accomplished that task or getting married and having children or being there for our grandchildren. What does it feel like? Do we smile to ourselves seeing the vision of ourselves in that future? If so, then we’re on the right track. We can begin to construct a plan of action that we can follow as we travel down that path.

Remember that we’re all like snowflakes. Each of us is indescribably beautiful and unique. We are capable of great things. Let us embrace the opportunity to follow our own unique path.

This is really a pretty profound concept, one that is often ignored or completely misunderstood.  However, anyone who has ever watched an organization start to go off a cliff because of one aggressive personality knows this is sufficiently damaging to warrant real and regular consideration.

Consider our nation’s political landscape. It’s more contentious than ever.  Some would describe it as downright ugly.  It doesn’t take a genius to note the reason: personalities have now become more important than principles. Dissent is not about the message, but about the messenger. Debate is about the people involved rather than the issues involved. It’s a prime example of how unpleasant the world can be when a handful of personalities become more important than the principles they claim to represent.

I believe organizations often cycle through the personality phase – a strong organization will eventually spit out the personality that is creating havoc, weak organizations will be slowly but surely destroyed by those aggressive personalities.  Think Bernie Madoff – his personality and reputation blinded people to his faults; many smart, successful folks stopped doing the typical due diligence involved in good investing. Even regulators gave him a pass. He’s a perfect example of the system favoring personality over principles.  Think the real estate bubble and crash – there were quite a few colorful personalities who carried this, like Andrew Mozilo. He became the poster child for blustering big talk that things are different now (i.e., the old principles no longer applied), and influenced a lot of people to make really bad choices.

I think it’s fair to say that humans can be very vulnerable to cult-like personalities: these people often have infectious enthusiasm and seemingly endless optimism. We just want them to be right because their message is that you get things you once thought impossible. They are the masters of if-it-sounds-too-good-to-be-true-throw-me-your-money-and-I-will-prove-to-you-it-is-possible.   It’s a sobering thought that so many of us are willing to ignore reality if someone persuasive tells  us the rules don’t apply.

As a society, we make progress when principles are so precious to us that we never allow personalities to hijack our ideals and beliefs.  We are willing to fight and defend our principles rather than let one personality tell us what those principles should be. This makes us less vulnerable to the smoke and mirrors that are essential to the mystique of the Big Personality.  A sure sign of danger in any organization, whether it be your local 12 step meeting,  your company, or even your family is when one personality begins to dictate the movement of the whole. That’s when it’s time to get back to basics – to the underlying principles that guide us in right choices – and make sure everyone is clear that certain principles cannot be altered just because someone talks loud enough.

I might believe someone is making me miserable, but the fact is more likely I’ve either put myself in a bad situation or I’m making too much of something.  Beliefs are just that: Beliefs.  So many things can contribute to how vehemently we “believe” beliefs are facts.  It’s a human trait that can really make us and the world at large mean and ornery, because frankly, not everyone else believes our beliefs.

That’s why one of the most critical parts of recovery is to be involved in a program that puts principles over personalities.  If you’ve ever been involved in an enterprise where personalities are put over principles, you know that there are many people who will bring a big box of crazy to the table. They will fight to the death to prove to you their belief is a fact. They will run you down if you get in the way of proving their belief is a fact.

I once worked for an organization where the personalities were big and kept growing bigger – the principles shrank in importance because those personalities took up all the space. It was one big dysfunctional nightmare by the time I said, “Enough. Time to work with people who are healthy.”

Just imagine a world where everyone held their beliefs dear but didn’t impose them on everyone else?  A world where people didn’t turn red in the face and go nuts if you didn’t agree with them? A world where live and let live were deeply held principles?  Sound nice?

Well, we don’t live in the whole world, but we do live in our microcosms, and I for one can practice this in my daily life. I can work hard to accept that we will not always have the same beliefs.

I believe (it’s not a fact, I’ll admit it) that the world is better when we treat others as we’d like to be treated – because no one has to feel belittled, attacked, or threatened.