Many of us in recovery find that peace is an elusive state. Some of us equate peace or a peaceful calm as something we could only enjoy when we were blessed out, under the influence of our drug of choice. We mistakenly believed that peace came at the bottom of a bottle or when our horse came in and we hit it big. Instead, we find that, now that we’ve chosen sobriety and no longer dull our minds and blunt life, we may not know what peace really is at all, or how to find it.

Let’s take a cue from Mother Theresa and start off with a smile. It’s such a simple thing, a smile. What amount of effort does it take to curl up the ends of our mouth, like reaching upward to the heavens? Amazingly, for those of us who’ve had little reason or desire to smile, doing so takes quite a bit of effort. It’s something as alien to us as flying and, since we’re not birds, we certainly can’t fly.

But we can smile. There are 43 muscles in the face and, if we know our anatomy, we know that most of them are controlled by the seventh cranial nerve, which is also known as the facial nerve. This nerve exits the cerebral cortex and emerges from the skull just ahead of the ears. Then it splits into five primary branches that then reach different areas of the face and activate the muscles that allow our faces to twist and turn and contort into different types of expressions. That’s enough of the anatomy refresher course.

While there are some that say it takes more muscles to frown than to smile, one person’s broad smile may actually require more muscles than someone else’s little smirk. But who’s to tell and after all, does it really matter how many muscles you use? The important point to remember is that when we exercise these muscles in order to produce a smile, they become quite used to the activity. It gets easier to do the more we do it.

This is a quick suggestion to get us going. Think of the funniest incident or joke or conversation you can remember. Allow the thought to roll around in your mind and if you feel your cheeks start to lift up and the corners of your mouth starting to follow, you are on your way to a healthy smile. And what about that feeling of a bit of joy that accompanies your smile? That’s what you want. That’s your little share of peace in the moment.

Other ways to teach ourselves to smile include being with people that make us happy, whose company we enjoy. We can also take in a funny comedy, borrow a joke book from the public library, or watch old sitcoms on TV (since there are always reruns). We all do have a funny bone, although it doesn’t appear in any anatomy books. Laughing begets smiling begets a feeling of peace and tranquility, a sense that, just for now, all’s right with us. And that’s all we really need, isn’t it, a chance for a few moments to sit back and appreciate the little things?

Go on, stretch ourselves. Get into the practice of finding something every day that makes us want to smile. Let that smile extend as wide as we can, even if we have to practice doing this in the mirror. We may just be surprised at that beaming individual peering back at us. Who knows, we may even like what we see. This is surely someone we want to get to know better. Others will as well.

More and more evidence indicates that stress and the hormones released due to it take years off our lives.  It’s pretty difficult to rid your life of all stress, but it certainly is possible to get rid of manufactured stress. By manufactured stress I mean the tensions that come from making poor choices.

Your job is more stressful if you are always late to work – because you are dodging criticism and wondering, as you trudge along on the freeway, late once again, if this might be the last straw.

Your home life is more stressful if you don’t spend quality time with your kids and they start to get out of control.

Your finances can create stress if you just have to have that slightly larger TV that you can’t really afford so you add another thousand dollars to an already hefty debt you’re carrying.

There are all sorts of ways our daily choices contribute to whether or not life feels like a pleasant and peaceful experience or if it feels like a giant wrecking ball is pulled back in position, ready to be dropped on us should one more thing go wrong.

Certainly there are things that just happen – but if I really think about it – most of my stress is manufactured. Either I’m overreacting or worrying too much, or I’m making choices that add to my stress.

Here are 10 ways to reduce stress over time:

Exercise – this doesn’t mean you have to run a marathon because a pleasant walk through the neighborhood after dinner can often be enough to kick in those stress-defeating brain chemicals

Eat better – junk food does not put our bodies in the best shape possible to cope with unavoidable stresses. You are just more capable of responding calmly and cooly when you are jacked up on sugar and excessive amounts of caffeine

Have a conversation – every day you should have a pleasant conversation about your day with SOMEone. It can be a friendly call to an old friend or a few minutes of quiet time with your spouse – but it’s a great way to diffuse things as they happen

Don’t spend money you don’t have – if you can’t afford the fancier car, don’t buy it. If you can’t afford the bigger TV screen, downsize your choice. Money does not buy happiness, especially if you don’t have the money and your credit card company jacks your interest rate to 29%!

Sleep – might seem silly to put this here because it’s so obvious you need sleep, but most Americans don’t get enough sleep.  Think about it – if you aren’t sleeping at least 7 hours, you are taking years off your life. Your body deals better with stress when it has sufficient rest

Keep Connected – especially important in recovery – keep connected with others in recovery. Go to a meeting when you are feeling stressed rather than stew in your own thoughts

Simplify your life – are you trying to do too much? Are you continually competing with others? Maybe it’s time to look at ways to simplify your life

Write Things Down – putting goals, finances, and the like in writing makes them more manageable. You can find order in the chaos sometimes just by sitting down and figuring out the steps you need to take to extricate yourself from manufactured stress.  A few years ago I put together a financial goal document and followed it (almost) faithfully. It gave me a clear picture of my way to more security and although it seemed like it would take forever, I did eventually reach those goals in a few years.

Be Kind to Yourself and Others – have you gotten into the habit of being perpetually hostile or angry? It’s easy to get into the rut of being a grouch. It doesn’t make life easier. I’ve noticed on days I really embrace the joy of life and smile at people – and sincerely, enthusiastically greet them – everyone seems to lighten up- life adjusts to your mood – you cast a pall on everyone when you’re in a snit, and you brighten up the room when you’re grateful and joyful

Find Quiet Time – maybe you like to read or just sit and meditate. Just find out what works for you and spend some time reflecting, learning something new, or just rejuvenating yourself.  TV is not quiet time. It’s fine, but it isn’t a substitute for spending time with your own thoughts and feelings so you can get a clue about how things are REALLY going for you