Just think how many hours we waste worrying about what might happen? When we’re so fearful of change, we not only cut ourselves off from an infinite number of opportunities, we also stunt our growth and halt our progress in recovery.

Fear and worry about change are understandable, but they are also extremely unproductive. We carry with us a lot of baggage when we first get clean and sober and begin recovery. It cannot be otherwise. After all, we’ve just ditched a lifestyle that was self-destructive and going nowhere. We have a lot yet to learn and probably feel more than just a little hesitation about what this new sobriety thing is all about.

Naturally, we’d be anxious and confused about what lies ahead. If we’ve never been down this road before, all the more so would we be so concerned. But even those among us who’ve been through several relapses and managed to get back into our recovery program can feel hesitant and worried that we’re not up to the changes.

Let’s be clear about one thing: Change is inevitable. This doesn’t mean, however, that change is bad. In fact, if we are to make substantial progress in recovery, we need to adopt the attitude that change is necessary and change is good.

Sure, there may be some pain attached to change. Letting go of old habits and behaviors, even though they may have been all we knew, can be frightening and painful. Getting involved in a sober lifestyle, going to meetings where we don’t initially know anyone and taking up the whole Twelve Step process can be pretty scary – at first.

But be comforted in the knowledge that we aren’t going it alone. We have the support and encouragement of our soon-to-be sponsor (and we shouldn’t wait too long to get one) and our fellow 12-step group members. Every single person that steps foot in the rooms has had to go through the doorway the first time. Therefore, every single one of them knows how it feels to embark upon this journey.

Yes, it may be scary. Yes, we may initially worry and fret that we might not be up to the change. But change we must if we are to make progress in this life of recovery. It’s also important to remind ourselves that we have chosen to be clean and sober. We have made a commitment to recovery and want to learn how to change our lifestyle so that we can be productive and happy in sobriety.

That said, however, we’re still plagued with nagging doubt and worry over what we no longer have, what’s been taken away from us (our addictive ways), and possibly the people, place and things that we now must avoid because they’re associated with our past drug use.

How about this as an alternative? Instead of thinking along the dark lines of what’s missing or no longer here, think instead about all the new things we’ll be learning, the new friends we’ll make, the new challenges and opportunities that are bound to come our way. This is a proactive approach and isn’t all that difficult to do. Sure, it will take some practice to adjust our thinking from one of negativity to one that’s positive, but we can certainly do it. Thousands of others in the rooms have done so. They’ll also be glad to give us pointers on what worked for them in beginning their mental readjustment.

In a way, it’s a little like Christmas presents under the tree. We don’t know what’s in them, since they’re all wrapped up and hidden from view. But we’re pretty sure we’re going to like them. Think about change and embracing change in recovery that way and we’ll be on the road to accepting the gifts of opportunity that come our way.

Let’s face it. We all have fear at some point in our lives. We are, after all, human beings, and fear is an emotional response that is part of our nature. But it is also true that we have the capacity to overcome fear, to act in spite of fear, and to learn how to use fear as a motivation to strive toward achievement of our goals.

Looking back at our first few days of recovery, when we were free of drugs or alcohol for perhaps the first time in many months or years, we undoubtedly experienced a rush of fear. Sometimes it may have seemed like the cloud of fear clung to us, became a part of us, and put a big block wall in front of any hopes we may have had of maintaining our sobriety or pushing forward with our goals.

Indeed, we may have been so fearful that we had no goals. So many of us ran up against this formidable wall of fear that we felt hopeless, helpless, confused and worthless. That’s what fear does to us. It makes us feel as if we’re not worthy or deserving of happiness, that we don’t have what it takes to embrace opportunities, to face challenges, even to live in peace and serenity.

How did we ever move past fear? When we experience the shiver of fear today, what strategy do we employ to get past it? Likely as not, we’ve adopted and adapted techniques we’ve heard about in the rooms or from our sponsor. For many, this is a process of trial and error. What worked yesterday may not work today, or it may only work for minor fear and not fear of the paralyzing kind.

The key to successfully overcoming fear, however, lies not in what we do, but the fact that we do it. Once we have found an effective way to counterbalance fear and take action according to our recovery plan, we are on the right path toward defeating fear completely. Not that we will never be temporarily visited by fear, but we won’t be stopped in our tracks by it, either.

The admonition that we should face our fear in order to overcome it makes a lot of sense. Many times, if we are being honest with ourselves, what we feared most in the past didn’t turn out to be so overpowering after all. We often exaggerate the consequences of what we’re most afraid of, giving it more power than it deserves. In fact, we have all the power. We can look fear in the face, acknowledge the emotion, and then proceed with our action plan in accordance with the goals we’ve set for ourselves.

Yes, it takes practice. No, we won’t become expert at giving fear the heave-ho immediately. But we can and we will learn how to defeat it if we allow ourselves to do so and then take action. Look at it this way. We can see fear at the entrance to a garden and tremble to the point where we never walk through the gate to what’s on the other side. Or we can take a deep breath, recognize that fear is only temporary and isn’t a real barrier, and put one foot in front of the other and stride right through that gate.

When we look around, we see that fear was nothing more than a passing cloud, whisked away by the wind of our forward momentum. Overcoming fear, by the way, is courage in action. And each and every one of us is capable of challenging and surmounting any fear that seeks to waylay us and jeopardize our recovery.

Courage is something that most of us in recovery long ago learned to value. When we see courage displayed by others, we are often in awe, wondering where in the world they came by it, wishing that it could come easily to us in turn. But the truth is that courage isn’t easy to come by. We have to earn it.

Earn it? How can we possibly earn courage? We earn our quotient of courage – actually quotient is a misnomer, since we can have endless courage – by acting in the face of fear. Action is a proactive step that we take. It isn’t us sitting around wallowing in our fear about the unknown. Courage is acting in spite of fear, during fear itself, actually. Courage comes about as a result of us making a decision and going ahead with action even if our knees are shaking and we’re anxious at the pit of our stomach.

If anyone asked us outright, most of us would say that we don’t have a courageous bone in our body. We may feel that to speak about courage is somehow to diminish it, even jinx it. But we do possess the ability – all of us do – to act even when we are afraid.

Think about those among us who have persevered through terrible adversity to overcome our addiction. Many of us are left with profound cognitive deficits as a result of chronic alcoholism or drug use. Yet we don’t let that stand in our way as we continue to pursue our path of recovery. In fact, with every passing day, we may find that our cognitive abilities improve, as research has found they often do with continued abstinence and other healthy behavioral changes.

There are also those among us who are in decline, medically-speaking, whether due to advanced age, the cumulative effect of addiction, or compounded by a number of medical conditions, or all of these. Continuing to live in such circumstances can be considered an act of courage in itself.

One thing that we will all need to face inevitably is the fact that we will die. We will all come to that finality at some point. Once we recognize that fact of life, that death is inevitable, it may make living in the present that much more imperative. We may find, for example, that it helps us find and reinforce our reservoir of courage.

Can we practice being courageous? Are there simple tips we can follow to help boost our ability to move ahead in the face of fear, to make the right decisions and feel good about our actions? There’s nothing like proceeding with time-proven strategies that have worked for so many others in recovery. We can begin by talking with our 12-step sponsor about how we gain courage, but we shouldn’t be disheartened if we don’t feel like we’re ready just yet to act.

We might, for example, be afraid to venture into a roomful of strangers, perhaps at a new 12-step group meeting that we haven’t previously attended. We may not be outgoing and we’re deathly afraid of interaction with others. We may be too new to recovery to know yet how this whole sobriety lifestyle works, or works for us. The best thing to do is to go anyway. Step out of our comfort zone and get in the rooms. We don’t have to say anything right away. Just listen to what’s being said and take comfort in the knowledge that these are all individuals who, just like us, are taking action to maintain their sobriety.

Each of them processed their own fears. Each of them needed to, and continue to need to, work through fears to make progress toward goals that they’ve set for themselves in recovery.

If they can do it, we can too. Courage isn’t mysterious or given only to some. Courage is available to all of us. And we find our courage through action and through achieving goals through our persistence at doing the work of recovery.

We all know about defeat. We’ve certainly felt it any number of times. Funny, though, how it always seems to creep up on us, often taking us completely by surprise. But if there’s one bright point about defeat that we should all take to heart, it’s that defeat isn’t inevitable. It also isn’t forever.

Surely when we first made the decision to get clean and sober, and resolved once we were sober that we’d stay that way, it was a very tough road that we traveled those first few months of sobriety. If we’re like most newcomers to sobriety, we came very nearly to stumbling into relapse several times. Some of us even did relapse.

When that happened, did we look upon it as a defeat? If we did, then we’re doing ourselves and our recovery a disservice. The truth of the matter is that many people slip during the first several months of being sober. The old-timers in the 12-step rooms are quick to tell us that it isn’t how often we slip, but what we’ve learned from the situation that we then use to help bolster our recovery toolkit. The theory is, and it’s a good one, is that a slip or a relapse isn’t a failure, it isn’t defeat, as long as we’ve gotten smarter about our strengths and abilities and where we need to beef them up as a result.

Doesn’t that make sense? After all, we’re still breathing. We still have ample opportunity to make a difference today. That’s because we act in the present. We can sit around and lament our fate or bemoan the fact that we haven’t made further strides in recovery by now, but that’s just not very productive. Much better to put a positive spin on the situation and recognize that we are, after all, only human. As such, we have the capability to be quite resilient, to continue to learn new strategies and techniques, to adopt and adapt what worked well for others to our own circumstances. Above all, we can take comfort and feel a sense of accomplishment when we turn defeat into success.

And we’re all capable of that.

Why, then, do we allow a minor (or even major) slip to drag us down? We should re-read some of the recovery literature and really take it to heart. The best thing is to talk with our sponsor and fellow 12-step group members. Let them know that we’re feeling like we need something to help us gain a better footing in our recovery foundation. They are eager and willing to help, because, guess what? They’ve all been there themselves and know just exactly what it feels like.

In case we think that all they can offer is words, let’s keep in mind that words of support and encouragement are like water to a man dying of thirst. It’s often enough to give us renewed enthusiasm to tackle a difficult challenge or to try once again to establish a daily routine that is effective in allowing us to maintain our sobriety.

Talking and listening are the two greatest tools we have at our disposal. And it all starts right there in the rooms. No one who hasn’t been in our situation, that is, those who have never been addicted and are now in recovery, could understand the power that this supportive community brings.

Should we find that our home group is getting a little stale, or that we feel we need a change, there’s nothing wrong with branching out and spending some time in another 12-step group. In fact, it may re-energize us and motivate us to apply our recovery principles even more. There’s nothing like a fresh perspective to jazz things up. Meeting new people who are celebrating their recovery and a new, sober lifestyle helps as well.

A great many people are reluctant to embrace change. In the recovery community, however, the fear of change is probably even more prevalent. After all, we’ve got a lot that we’ve already been through, much of which we’d rather not go through again. We may very well be fearful of the kinds of challenges we may be faced with, afraid that we won’t be able to withstand them or make the right decisions.

This is all completely normal. The good news is that the very fact that we’re in recovery is a significant change all by itself. We’ve already surmounted an immense hurdle, just by getting clean and sober. This new feeling of sobriety is something that may very well be the most positive and promising change that has occurred in our lives for a long time.

This is all the more reason for us to be optimistic, and to celebrate the openness that is before us.

Still, we may harbor leftover doubts and uncertainty about the unknown. How can we help ourselves become more receptive to change, to learn how to embrace it for the positive force that it can be?

For one thing, it takes practice. Isn’t that the way with many of the strategies we’ve learned thus far in our journey to sobriety? We learned, for example, how to recognize triggers and then we learned and practiced how to deal with and overcome cravings and urges. We know that we should not allow ourselves to become isolated, that we need people around us who share our sobriety goals, and that we do not recover alone. All of us need others in our corner, people who are ready and willing to support and encourage us through the good days and those days when things don’t go quite as planned.

Just as we can teach ourselves how to smile, how to appreciate and find joy in the little things in life, we can also teach ourselves that change is a good thing. Change is not our enemy. Nothing stays the same in life. Babies grow into children and then into adults. Seasons change. All living things change. Why would we expect anything else in our lives in general?

The other point to keep in mind is that we are the architects of our change. We very much influence and direct the way our lives are going to go. Certainly we cannot change what others do, or certain circumstances that may befall us, but how we react to others’ actions and events around us is very much within our purview. In fact, we are the only ones who can view what’s in our minds and hearts. No one else can do that for us.

Having said this, why not then look upon our days as opportunities for growth, instead of problems to overcome? Even if something we attempt doesn’t succeed this time, it doesn’t mean that we haven’t learned a lesson in the process. The next time we attempt this action, we’ll approach it a little differently. There is always another day and another time to work on our various recovery strategies. We change a little every day, becoming wiser, more strong and confident in our abilities.

Always look for the good in every day’s actions. There is always something that is a ray of light, even in the midst of darkness. We do have allies in our 12-Step sponsor and fellow group members, in our loving spouse and family members and close friends. We are never alone, and we all can embrace the goodness that being together brings.