We look at the world around us, but do we really see? If we do use our eyes, are we allowing our thoughts to deceive us about what is real and what is not? Are we discerning in our view of what is before us, or are we just drifting along, seeing nothing?

Think of the sense of sight. It is a wondrous gift, really, but one that we so often take for granted. We see, but we don’t really see. What do we mean by that? Let’s look at how we neglect this precious sense.

Think of how we ignored the signs and symptoms of our addiction for so long. The proof was there before us, if we only looked with our eyes to see it. The mirror could have shown us the haggard face, sunken eyes, emaciated frame, the hyperactivity or glassy stare. But, of course, we could not see it then.

Maybe our loved ones and friends tried to convince us to take a look at what we’d become and we dismissed them. We couldn’t, or wouldn’t, see what they were seeing. That would have meant taking off the blinders and assessing the mess we’d made of our lives. We weren’t ready for that, so we continued seeing without seeing. We were sleepwalking through life, and that’s all we cared to do.

Somewhere along the way, however, those of us who decided to kick addiction and embrace recovery took off the blinders. We entered treatment and, as part of the healing process, began to learn how the disease of addiction had clouded our vision and kept us prisoners in a self-induced labyrinth for so long. It was, no doubt, painful to see. We had to acknowledge what we’d done as a result of our addiction. We had to admit our responsibility for our actions. Then, we began to learn about triggers and how to identify and recognize them, how to cope with cravings and urges, and how to practice healthier behaviors so that we may live a life of sobriety.

All of this involved learning to see, how to use our eyes. The reality that we first saw may have been pretty frightening. We may have felt a great deal of shame and guilt over our past. But we also learned that we are the architects of our lives. We can choose what to do based on our resolve to live a life in recovery. What we see now is likely greatly changed from what we saw back then. We have learned how to use our eyes, not only to see what is real right now, but also to see what is possible for us.

As a means of double-checking whether we are really using our eyes, we can verify with our sponsor and close allies what we see. Let’s take the example of us reacting with confidence during times of stress, utilizing our coping strategies and making use of the counsel and advice of our trusted others. If we are truly seeing through the eyes of reality, others will acknowledge our progress and comment upon it. If we need a little help in being able to recognize truth from falseness, there again, our sponsor and allies can help us see with our eyes and discern the reality instead of the untruths.

Be willing to take action when we realize that we are deluding ourselves, preferring, perhaps, to take momentary comfort in what is not real. Be willing to confront our self-deception and shoulder the responsibility to keep moving forward in our recovery, even though it may feel strange to us at first. Remember, we get better at being able to recognize and overcome challenges the more we tackle them. It’s all part of using our eyes and doing the work of recovery.

Often we may find ourselves thinking that we have so much to do and so little time to do it. Is this the way we wish to spend our days in recovery? Most likely, the answer is no. The question then becomes, however, what can we do about it? How can we deal effectively with all the distractions that come our way, threatening to deter us from our path in recovery?

First, it’s important that we recognize that distractions are the nature of human existence. We are thinking human beings, and each day we will have thousands upon thousands of thoughts. Some of these thoughts are pertinent to our recovery goals, while many are perhaps welcome distractions, keeping us from doing the hard work we know we should be attending to in our sobriety efforts. But, recognizing that we are going to have distractions in the form of thoughts and opportunities to be persuaded to go off and do something else – instead of what we’ve intended – is a priority.

The next point to be made about distractions is that they’re usually temporary. In fact, we may conjure them up simply to be able to endure something that we find painful or that we’re reluctant to undertake. For some, a few distractions now and then are healthy. As long as they assist in us getting over a tough spot, there’s nothing actually wrong with them. The key is not to dwell on the distraction to the point where it completely curtails our recovery efforts. Think of distractions here as a short respite, a little breather, giving us the time and space to then continue on with our recovery efforts.

The ultimate goal, however, is to get past the myriad distractions and get on with the business of our recovery. To that end, it is often helpful to construct a list, an itemized to-do schedule that we can refer to – and get back to doing – when we find ourselves lost in this or that distraction. It is only by overcoming obstacles and getting past time-wasting distractions that we will be able to arrive at our chosen goal or our destination that we’ve set for our day today in recovery.

Take heart in knowing that if we have the will to continue and the desire to continue learning and growing, by taking action in accordance with these goals we will be able to accept and understand that a few distractions here and there may hold the promise of opening yet another door, showing us a new path to follow in our ongoing recovery journey. Look upon each day as discovery. When we do this, distractions won’t seem a time zapper or worthless. We won’t need to berate ourselves for having indulged in them now and then, and if we look at everything that comes our way as an opportunity to learn and grow, we’ll be far better for it.

Over the last two decades I’ve learned not to roll my eyes when I hear the “denial questions”:

I don’t drink every day (I did, but I know a lot of drunks who were binge drinkers)

I only drink when I’m out – never alone (big deal, where you drink has nothing to do with how you drink)

I don’t really have blackouts (translated: I occasionally do forget a few things I said or did, but it’s not like I forget the whole night!  Good for you! Hope the part you forgot wasn’t too bad!)

I don’t drink as much as X, Y, or Z (comparing yourself to even bigger drunks is an excellent way to talk yourself out of needing help! Sort of like, I’m not fat because I’m only 40 pounds overweight, but that gal is a good 70 pounds overweight!)

I just have really high tolerance – so I can drink a lot more than other people with no effects (you just have really high tolerance because you’ve been drinking a lot for a really long time, oh, and guess what, alcoholics tend to have really high tolerance.)

I’ve never had a DUI (yet)

I have a really good job and make a lot of money. I’m too successful to be a drunk.  (Hope it doesn’t catch up to you – it usually does – plus it’s fun to go to early morning meetings with a headache or sick stomach)

I’ve never done anything I wouldn’t have done sober (are you absolutely sure of that?)

I only drink beer.  (Uh, beer is alcohol, you just have to drink a bit more liquid – one beer = one shot.  Six beers = Six shots.)

I only drink fine wines (this one makes me smile; many times I would buy expensive wines and liqueurs to convince myself I was a connoisseur – gotta research the latest cabs, you know!)

No one in my family is a drunk and it’s supposed to be genetic (often is – and chances are there is a drunk in your family; either no one talks about Great Grandpa James escapades  or that person figured it out early enough and stopped drinking; but if you don’t, congratulations on starting a new branch in the family tree)

Frankly, if you are spending any time whatsoever trying to come up with reasons you do NOT have a problem with alcohol, chances are, you DO.

I wouldn’t drink so much, if…(fill in the blank with the excuse of the day/week/month/year)

I’ve noticed when I see someone now struggling with addiction that I often wonder what the chances are that they will see the light.  Unfortunately, the vast majority of people whose lives are ruled by substances never do. Does it ever make you wonder why you were so blessed to have been able to open your eyes?  Make you wonder how you could break through the veil of denial and delusion and go for this crazy thing called sobriety?  Abstinence from drugs and alcohol?  Who would  have ever thunk it when they were out there believing they just HAD to have that drink or that drug to just feel normal?

Don’t get complacent. Those delusions (I think that’s more accurate than denial in some ways) can creep back in if you aren’t on guard.  They can start as little nagging thoughts, then lead to changes in behavior, and those lead to those old chaotic feelings and sense of needing to fix it fast.

I remember a guy who would “get it” every 60 days or so, get clean, then go back – my five years I saw him come and go, cobbling together a few days or weeks at a time, over and over and over.  Twenty odd some years later I always wonder if he ever truly got it.  I still remember his suffering – he would show up at meetings drunk and help set up chairs.   I remember a friend who was prescribed Xanax by a “doctor” at 15 years of sobriety.  He calmly explained how it was different for him -he had real anxiety and this was okay.  I remember when that led to Klonipin, then that fatal drink on a plane…I say fatal because he was dead 5 years later.

Don’t think that inner addict isn’t looking for opportunities.  Not every one has the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other, each giving conflicting advice.  (“Do it!”  “No, don’t do it!”), so sometimes it’s hard to remember that inner addict just waiting for its fuel.  Believe me, he’s  in there.  It’s up to us to keep him in his place.

Right after college I moved into an apartment with two childhood friends. I had my own room, but it was a tiny cave in an overpriced Manhattan apartment building. This was the point when my drinking really escalated – recently graduated, back from a three-month stint in Europe, it was time to settle down and find a career. I was really too good for all those entry level jobs. A typing test? I graduated Ivy League! Who are they kidding!  My arrogance didn’t really help matters, and I was slowly falling into a depression.  I didn’t know what to do with my life.

I knew my good friends were alert to the fact that I was drinking too much, so I started to go to all sorts of lengths to hide the level of consumption.  One favorite was to put the bag with booze bottles outside my bedroom window, go into the apartment empty handed, then retrieve the bottles in private with my door closed.

But the best “hiding” method was to put a bottle of booze on the kitchen counter and not use it too often – and just use the ones hidden in my room – so it looked like I wasn’t drinking that much.

The roommate situation soured and we all went our separate ways, and soon after I went to rehab. I decided to tell my friends the story – hey, it was kind of funny (in a demented way).

“Hey, I used to put a bottle of vodka on the kitchen counter and not drink from it much, and instead I’d drink from bottles in my room so you would think I wasn’t that bad,” I told my old roommate.

She looked at me strangely and replied, “That’s funny. I used to think that bottle in the kitchen went down awfully fast.”

OMG!  I was horrified, then burst out laughing. Even with my little “trickery” there were times I ran out of my “room bottle” – and hit the kitchen-counter(feit) bottle – and even trying to control the use of ONE bottle was hopeless.

Just one of those moments when you have total clarity.