Thinking of ourselves as gentle isn’t a thought that comes easily to most of us. To some, a gentle person may be regarded as somewhat of a simple being, someone without sophistication or education or a person who is naïve about the world. But all we have to do is look at the example of some of the great philosophers and teachers, religious and otherwise, to know that this is absolutely not the case. In fact, looking at Mahatma Gandhi and Mother Teresa, for example, we can see that a gentle person can not only influence the world, but profoundly shake it as well.

Applying this to recovery, it may mean that our gentle way of going about things may prove to be a strong influence on others who are just now finding their way in sobriety. If we show by what we do, and it helps another to find the light of recovery in the company of men and women committed to this sober lifestyle, then we are providing not only an example but a way to help motivate others to do so as well.

This doesn’t mean that we should fashion our lives as if we are teachers. It does mean, however, that we should strive to do the best we can in everything that we do. If we encounter problems or issues that seem difficult or insurmountable, we should do as we have done before: Ask for the advice and counsel of our sponsor, talk with our therapist, gather information and engage our family and loved ones in creating a constructive solution. Do so gently, humbly, and with a sense of purpose. This will likely lead to not only a satisfactory resolution of the problem or issue, but also serve as a self-motivator to continue living in this way of self-discovery.

And such self-discovery can help inspire and motivate others in their own recovery journey.

Let’s say, however, that we’re early to recovery. It’s all just so new. We’re frightened and uncertain and don’t much like the fact that we can’t do things the way we used to. Think about the fact that we are beginning to see things a little more clearly than we did when we were stoned or drunk all the time, or hanging out at the casino or cruising the bars looking for a one-night stand or whatever our "drug of choice" was. Sure, it’s a little scary here in the sober light of day. We don’t really know what to expect, especially if this is our first time in recovery.

We certainly don’t feel much like being gentle. In fact, we may want to shout or cry or hole up at home under the covers. Our way of life has been turned upside down. Yes, we are now free of the hangovers and DTs and withdrawal symptoms, at least, most of them, but we aren’t altogether sure about what to do next.

At this point, the only recommendation is to keep going to meetings, secure a sponsor and dive into the work of the Twelve Steps. Keep any appointments with our therapist, medical doctors, and continue taking any medication that may have been prescribed for us. Adhering to our schedule, taking proper care of ourselves, and learning as much as we can about recovery can all help bring stability to our lives. With that stability comes a gradual increase in our self-confidence, trust in our abilities, and hope for the future.

This gentle path to recovery has another upside as well. Whether we recognize it or not, we are proving to ourselves that we can do it. We can live a life in sobriety and realize our goals at the same time. We can be happy and productive. We can inspire others. We can, in fact, shake the world – the environs and the people around us with whom we interact on a daily basis.

We’ve all heard the expression, the power of positive thinking. But how many of us really believe what the words mean or have ever even thought much about what it can do for us in recovery? Phrases that are common in society often have been repeated so many times that people either take them for granted or discount them completely. Both views are wrong in that there’s usually a grain of truth in many common sayings. This is certainly one of them.

Let’s look at how positive thinking impacts our recovery. When we first completed treatment and began our recovery journey, clean and sober, we likely were filled with fear and uncertainty. It was all new and pretty scary being abstinent. We worried that we’d do the wrong thing, that we wouldn’t be able to withstand the cravings and urges. The longer we’d been addicted, the worse it seemed our lives would be.

If we told ourselves that we couldn’t take it, that we were going to fall back into our addictive ways, it wouldn’t be too long before that belief became a reality. In this way, thinking makes it so. Our subconscious takes over and programs us to failure. If we believe we cannot win, then we cannot win. If, on the other hand, we imbue ourselves with a philosophy that we will have the strength to overcome our challenges and, despite difficulties, will continue to work our recovery and will be able to maintain our recovery – we will be giving ourselves the motivation and the foundation to be able to do so. In this way, our belief in the power of positive thinking influences our actions.

We believe that we can win, and we are then able to win.

But what about when those recurrent doubts and fears resurface and threaten to pull us back into our cast-off addictive patterns of behavior? Are we doomed then? The answer, of course, is no. We may, however, need to redouble our recovery efforts, get more counseling, and seek the support from our sponsor and our loved ones in order to better understand what prompted our slip or potential slip. We certainly can’t expect that we’ll always have all the answers. After all, we’re just human, and we’ve already overcome a lot thus far in our sobriety journey.

It isn’t the circumstance that is so damaging, but what we do about it. Every person in recovery will experience situations that challenge their very beliefs, and that threaten their continued sobriety. For some, such incidents will occur early and then subside as they grow in the understanding of how to manage their sobriety. For others, the dangers continue for many months into recovery and then, possibly, gradually subside. Still others go for incredibly long periods of time with no problems only to have them resurface years later.

The way to survive such challenges is to maintain a positive attitude about being able to do so. It’s important to remember that only action can help keep us clean and sober. We think positively, and then we must act in accordance with those beliefs. That’s the only way effective recovery will work.

Just when we think that there is no more to learn, there is more to learn. If we look at our lives in recovery as an unfolding gift of knowledge, we will begin to see that what we do today, right now, is going to pay off immeasurably. In other words, there is no better time than today to put a new spark into our recovery efforts. In fact, there is only now, since we act in the present – not the past or the future.

Maybe things have gotten a little stale in our recovery efforts. We’ve been doing the same things, perhaps, for many weeks and months. Maybe we’ve not seen the progress we had hoped to make. Have we thought that perhaps we are a little too hard on ourselves? Have we given ourselves credit for what we have accomplished? If not, it’s time to begin to acknowledge ourselves and the hard work we’ve been doing.

Having given ourselves a little pat on the back, now it’s time to step up our efforts in recovery. When we get motivated again after a little breather, we feel refreshed and renewed, full of anticipation at what’s next on our list of things to do. It helps if we put things on our list that bring us joy. When we look forward to something, perhaps a meal with our family or time spent playing with our children, it makes whatever else we have to do today seem to go by faster. There’s nothing like anticipation to make time speed by.

But, let’s be honest about it. Not everything we do in recovery brings us smiles. Perhaps it should, but it doesn’t. Sometimes we have all we can do just to make it through the day. There are challenges we face and obstacles to overcome for which we may feel ill-prepared. Exhausted from our efforts at maintaining our sobriety – especially early in our recovery – we may long for a little break from all the hard work. That’s the time to acknowledge that we have, indeed, put in a great deal of effort. That’s the time to give ourselves kudos for having the grit and determination and resolve to keep on doing our recovery efforts.

Again, balance the day out with something pleasant to look forward to. Communicating and spending time with loved ones and friends is just a important to our overall recovery efforts as just about anything else we have on our list. We do not recover alone, and we are not alone in our recovery. We are a family – even if our only family is our sponsor and fellow 12-step group members. We make progress together, even as we each embark on our own path of recovery.

Listen to the stories of others in recovery and take to heart their words of appreciation for the joy they feel each day in sobriety. Everyone’s words are different, and sometimes we have to hear what’s being said that lies underneath the words. In other words, we learn to read emotions. In this way, we can find new meaning in our own lives, and begin to appreciate the opportunities that present themselves to us each day in recovery. Come on, there are great blessings here for us today. All we need to do is embrace them.

Who among us doesn’t have a mess we’ve left behind? Most of the troubles, of course, came about as a result of our addiction, but the fact is that there is a lot of debris in our past. Some of this detritus, okay a lot of it, continues to cause many of us difficulties today. In fact, we could go so far as to say that our past misdeeds are so monumental – at least, in our minds – that we’re stymied. We can’t move on. We either don’t believe that we’re worth making any progress or that we don’t have what it takes to keep going.

Both feelings are misguided and wrong.

The only thing that stands in the way of us moving forward in our recovery is ourselves. When we say we can’t do something, it isn’t that someone else is holding us back. We make our own jails that we tell ourselves we have to reside in. But guess what? We can just as easily unlock the door of that jail and let ourselves out.

In fact, there’s nothing stopping us – except ourselves.

When we awake in the morning, we breathe and our bodies continue to function. We could choose not to breathe, but that wouldn’t last long before we’re choking and gasping for life-giving oxygen. We should think of our lives in recovery just like that. We choose to be in recovery. Everything we do right now, today, is a personal choice. No one makes us do anything. They can recommend, cajole, threaten, beg or scold, but unless we act on our own accord, nothing happens.

So, where does that leave us when it comes to picking up and starting over? It leaves us with choice: We have the choice to make our own futures, beginning with what we choose to do today.

Of course, we may be somewhat frightened about the whole starting over process. We may feel unsure, insecure, and even anxious. That’s what our sponsor and fellow members of our 12-step groups are for, to reassure us and help us with our desire to move forward in recovery. We desperately need this kind of support, especially since we haven’t been so adept at making very good choices in the past.

Here’s a hint about picking up and starting over. Once we set our minds to doing it, to moving forward and actively working our recovery, there’s no going back. We may slip now and then, but if we’re truly committed to sobriety, we will learn to make the best choices for ourselves. By learning from our mistakes, we get even stronger and more self-confident. We do deserve to be happy. In line with that, every day we have endless opportunities to create and learn and grow.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with creating a goal that you start to work on at a certain date, but frankly, I think the best day to pick is today and only today.  Today I will…

This helps me avoid the deal making and the  post-poning.  If I decide in early December that I’m going to “start a diet” on New Year’s Day, that means I’ll eat ridiculously badly until that day.  Why not say, I’m going to eat healthy today?  That doesn’t mean I’ll be perfect every day until New Year’s Day – but it sure means I likely won’t be as cavalier until the phony deadline.

The problem with creating resolutions based on a specific day, be it New Year’s or a birthday or anniversary, is that it takes you out of the immediacy of the day, and as people in recovery it is so important to count today first and remember everything else comes later.

This just means that if there’s something I want to do or change about my life, I start today – maybe just a little step like adding five minutes to my walk or not skipping breakfast.

Rather than look to make a long (usually intimidating) list for New Year’s, what can you do today to move toward the goals you want to achieve?