Why spin our wheels in recovery, trying to hard to achieve perfection in our daily lives? How much better it is to work toward achieving balance, a harmony between mind-body-spirit. But how do we do this? Is there some kind of manual that can teach us how to achieve balance?
 

From our days in treatment, we probably learned bits and pieces about many different things: how to deal with an influx of unwanted emotions, how to best cope with cravings and urges, what to do in certain situations to avoid the people, places, and things that caused us to use in the past, how to structure our days so that we don’t have too much time on our hands that could lead us to slip, and much more. Putting all this together takes some time – for some, it may take a lot of time. It also involves a lot of practice. None of it comes easy. And the longer we were under the spell of alcohol or drugs or other addictive behavior, the harder it may be to learn how to achieve balance.
 

In the simplest sense, balance is a steady state, stability, and harmony. We strive to maintain a stable daily regimen, to take appropriate care of our bodies through nutrition, exercise, and sleep, to nourish our spirit, and to spend time with family and friends doing activities that are enjoyable and bring us together. We do our best today to make our footing firm for tomorrow – and all the tomorrows to come, one after the other, in a steady state. This is balance. This is something we can all achieve, and must achieve for a successful long-term recovery.

Meetings are a great place to break the feeling of loneliness, and I believe finding that community of like-minded people is critical to recovery. However, I also believe that sometimes the issue is not loneliness so much as an unwillingness to be alone: I don’t want to be with myself and just myself.

That in itself is something I consider a character defect. I have struggled over the years with isolation and loneliness, but I have also struggled with the ability to sit quietly and hear my own thoughts.

I remember some years ago it struck me as I was listening to a neighbor’s incredibly loud music for the umpteenth time in a row, “There’s someone who doesn’t want to hear his own thoughts.”

I think that’s the issue that I try to overcome: sometimes I need to listen to my own thoughts. Sometimes I need to be kind to myself and understand I’m not perfect.  Not wanting to be alone but feeling alone when I’m not alone (confused yet?) are all part of the same pathology. I was raised not to like myself very much.

The risk in this attitude is that I will be too hard on myself and feel like there isn’t much point in improving my character. Why bother if I’m inconsequential?  I think I’ve repeated this theme over and over: balance.  I can’t be overly focused on myself or obsess about my thoughts, but I also can’t be so disconnected that I’m not really aware of who I really am.  I can’t think I am somehow uniquely suffering (wallowing doesn’t work), but I also can’t ignore real feelings and internal conflicts.

It really does all come down to balance.