When we hear about someone having "attitude," we may think that this is a bad thing. Actually, we all have an attitude. Sometimes our attitude is good, and sometimes it is something else altogether. But let’s look at the roots of attitude and how it pertains, in the very best sense, to our life in recovery.

First, we need to believe in ourselves. If that’s having an attitude, so be it. We won’t get anywhere without a belief in ourselves and our ability to achieve our goals. In fact, without believing in ourselves we’re likely to find it difficult if not impossible to figure out our goals at all.

The crux of the problem for many of us in recovery, especially in early recovery, is that no one else much believes in us. That makes it doubly hard for us to find anything worthwhile in ourselves to believe in. But that doesn’t mean that we aren’t worthy. We should never make that value judgment about ourselves, even though the tendency to do so is very strong after we’ve been down so long because of our addiction.

Still, there needs to be a shred of hope somewhere deep inside, a faint glimmer that shows us we have a desire to go forward in recovery. We may not totally believe in ourselves just yet, but there’s something there, even if we have a tough time ferreting it out.

What can help is talking with our 12-step sponsor and listening to how others found believe in themselves through the stories related in the rooms. Everyone who’s in recovery has been through the experience of self-doubt and lack of self-confidence. They know what it feels like and, more importantly, what worked for them to overcome those negative feelings and get on with the business of recovery and life.

Each time we acknowledge a difficulty and seek help to overcome an issue or problem, we become a little stronger in our ability to withstand such a situation the next time. This gives us a big gold star for effort, as well as accomplishment. True, it may not feel like much, being able to go through the day without succumbing to the temptation to pick up a drink, shoot a line, go out and gamble, or whatever our past addiction was, but it really is a big deal.

It’s from the little day-to-day successes that we accumulate a treasure-trove of self-confidence, increase our self-esteem, and prove to ourselves that we are, indeed, a winner.

This doesn’t mean that we will have an easy road of it in recovery. As each of us knows, there’s both no guarantee that recovery will be successful or that it will be easy. In fact, it’s often quite difficult and may involve multiple relapses along the way. Keep in mind that attitude is critically important during times of stress, tension and unexpected issues or problems. It is attitude that may keep us going, even when all the signs may point to our not being able to withstand the pressures.

Without dwelling too much on the subject, suffice to say that there’s good reason to have an attitude. We need to instill in our mind that we believe in ourselves, first and foremost. We may not have all the answers – who among us ever does – but we know that we can do it, whatever it is, if we put our minds to it. That’s all recovery really is, continuing to do the work with the belief that it is all worthwhile.

A friend of mine has told me on more than one occasion that I put too much faith in people – I sort of thought of that as a nice characteristic – I assume people will do the right thing rather than cynically assume they will do just the opposite of what is expected.  But over time I’ve seen her foretell quite a few disappointments – events that probably wouldn’t have been quite so upsetting if I hadn’t been so rosy about it in the first place.  Her point has always been that I tend to put some people on a pedestal when I first meet them – that person is amazing, wonderful, so smart, so talented…etc – so that when they turn out to also be the type who does dumb things, I feel like an idiot.   I’m not sure what the solution is:  I don’t want to start assuming everyone is going to do dumb things and then be pleasantly surprised if they don’t. 

The quandary is this: How can you make decisions in life – take a new job, start dating a new person, or anything like that -  if you assume the new people are going to be just like the old people?  You would never change anything if you assumed that change would result in future disappointment as you slowly recognized  you just switched out the faces.  Then there’s the question of repeating mistakes – am I drawn to the same types of personalities and places?  Am I just reaping the same result because I’m making the same bad judgments?  I guess that is part of life – learning what your patterns are and trying to break them.  I can’t seem to shake this practice of giving people a lot of benefit of the doubt – but I also can’t seem to stop walking into repeat performances.

I certainly understand that disappointment is a part of life – and I truly believe that how you handle disappointment says a lot about your character (are you a: oh well, let’s try something else and move on kind of person, or are you a: bad things always happen to me what’s the point kind of person?), but I also believe that I set myself up for it by focusing too much of my energy on what other people do.  If I didn’t expect so much, I wouldn’t have to feel bamboozled.

I really think addicts handle illness poorly. As it is, we don’t like to feel bad, so being sick just multiples the effect.

I suspect I”m not alone here – are you a big baby when you are feeling under the weather?

Change is inevitable. The only thing we can do is decide how we are going to handle it.  A few years ago I noticed I was more resistant to learning new things – this was the same time I was guardian to my aunt who had Alzheimer’s.  I recognized then that if I didn’t exercise my brain’s ability to take on new information I would be on the fast track to this devastating disease. My mother has it too.

One of the ways you fight this kind of brain degeneration is to use your brain, and the best way to use it is to push through that resistance to change and to new information. After a while, the resistance disappears and you discover you can indeed change!  Now I have this rule – if I feel resistance I do it anyway.