We hear a lot of talk about hope in the 12-step rooms. Some complain that they have no hope, or that they’ve lost hope, while others speak eloquently or passionately about finding hope where none before existed. What are we to make of the wide rift between the two extremes? Could it be that they’re just manifestations of hope in one form or another? In other words, if we despair, is it just that we want hope so desperately that we feel the pain of not having it? Could it be that we need to feed our hope in order to realize it?

Interesting thought, isn’t it? Let’s see how this might work in recovery. While every situation is unique and there’s no intention here of stereotyping any one individual, let’s take an example that may seem somewhat familiar.

John, a recovering alcoholic and drug addict of 20-plus years, who also suffers from PTSD, depression, heart disease and diabetes, has just emerged from his fifth stint in rehab and is trying to find his way back into a life of sobriety. John is also a bit obsessive about his daily routine, figuring that the only way he’ll be able to maintain his sobriety is through rigid adherence to every little detail on his to-do list.

Every day, sometimes several times a day, John makes his way to one of several 12-step group meetings in his community. He’s well-known in the groups and others greet him warmly and welcome him back. Despite his numerous trips to rehab, John has an air about him that makes others want to be around him. It isn’t pity or a sense of obligation. Maybe it’s an understanding that each of us has to find our own way, and we seek and gain the comfort, support and encouragement from others just like us in the rooms.

What does John need to feed his hope? A few successes along the way would be good, right? How about his being able to make it to his first-month anniversary – this time around? Even if he feels he has to tend to his rounds this way, if it works for John, it is a success, correct? Each success is like a pat on the back, a job well done, an achievement for which John can be proud. Add up the little successes and, over time, John will be able to look at a body of work he’s accomplished due to the effort he put into it.

Forget the fact that it took John more than a few times to "get it" in rehab. The fact is that he did get it, and he kept coming back to the rooms. He wants to succeed, and somewhere inside of him is a beacon of hope — dim though it may be at times — that guides him.

Here’s another example. Andrea is fresh from treatment for addiction to prescription painkillers following severe injuries suffered in an automobile accident several years ago. A mother of two young children, she is eager to be on the way to recovery – yet fearful that she’ll fall back into her addictive ways just to alleviate her continuing pain.

Andrea knows that she has to learn how to manage her symptoms and has embarked upon a comprehensive physical rehabilitation program in addition to continuing counseling over her abuse of opioids. She feels she’s making progress but the demands of motherhood, and the guilt she feels about her addiction, sometimes coalesce into a lingering depression and fear that she doesn’t have what it takes to stay clean and sober. Andrea doesn’t yet have a sponsor.

What will help Andrea find hope? For starters, she needs to get a sponsor, someone who can help her navigate the early days of recovery, learn about the Principles of Recovery and begin to work the Twelve Steps. She needs to understand that recovery is today, and what we do in the present. It isn’t yesterday and it isn’t tomorrow. All of our future depends on the building blocks or actions we take today.

And every little success helps build a stronger foundation in recovery, helps add to our sense of self-confidence and self-respect and, most of all, feeds our hope.

Maybe we can all take a lesson from this. There is no one, not any single person, who cannot find hope in recovery. It may take some of us a bit longer than others to discover it, but it is there within our reach, if we but allow ourselves the permission to recognize and experience it.

I can’t do it. I’ve never been a success. Recovery is just too hard for me. There has to be an easier way. Are these statements sounding familiar? At one time or another, most of us in recovery have uttered some version of them, if not to others, then to ourselves. So, we’re all in good company here. Feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, doubtful and even fearful of what lies ahead is normal.

Doing something about this defeatist attitude is what separates success in recovery from failure – or less progress than should be realized.

The truth of the matter is that there’s no single blueprint that everyone in recovery can follow and achieve guaranteed success. If there’s one point we know for sure, it’s that there are no guarantees at all in recovery. Some individuals whom we believe have it all together may slip and fall back into their old addictive ways. Others whom we think don’t have a prayer of staying sober manage to adhere to their sobriety commitment. Go figure.

Should this cause us alarm? Should we instead believe that recovery is a bit of a fickle master, deciding to descend upon some, but not others? Is recovery something that’s always out of reach?

Nonsense. We will always get out of recovery exactly what we put into it. True, there will be periods where it seems like we’re attaining less success than we had hoped, but maybe there’s a good reason for that. Maybe, just maybe, our efforts left something to be desired. It could be that we attempted to take a shortcut here and there, eager to achieve the final result and hoping that we’d get away with skipping this or that steps just this time.

What do our recovery efforts say about us? That we’re diligent, hard-working, conscientious, committed and hopeful? Or, that we’re mistrustful, resentful, jealous, and dubious about our chances of success? If we find ourselves in the former camp, we have a greater likelihood of realizing our goals. We’re likely happy and on our way to being well-adjusted, successful individuals in recovery and life in general.

If, however, we’re of the mind that nothing we do will make a difference, if we’re anxious and jealous and not willing to put in the time to do what needs to be done, our recovery will look like the stalled process it is.

Stalled doesn’t need to become permanent, however. We can get back on track with our recovery efforts, pick up the challenge and redouble our efforts to do the work that’s required.

For some of us with little to no experience with any type of success in any of our efforts, and especially those who have been addicted for many years or with co-occurring disorders and/or other medical conditions, this may seem like a herculean task. With nothing on the plus side of our accomplishments, so we believe, we may find it easier to give up and give in, rather than continue on in recovery.

Giving up would be a tremendous loss. We’ve already come so far getting clean and sober. Why give up now? There’s got to be a reason why we feel like we cannot go forward, or that we don’t deserve to be happy and sober at the same time. It could very well be that we need further counseling, maybe another stint in rehab, maybe just a good talking-to ourselves to get back doing what needs to be done.

Start by talking over what’s going on with us with our sponsor. If we’re continuing to have difficulty, feel like we’re not making any progress or are in danger of relapse, strongly consider going back into counseling, either through aftercare or continuing care, if that is still available to us as part of our recovery program. If it isn’t, ask for recommendations for counseling services on a pay-as-you-go or reduced rate basis. If we really want help, we will be able to find it.

Bottom line: Remember that we have absolutely no idea who we are if we continue to berate ourselves and find fault with everything we do. We will begin to see glimpses of who we are as we do the work of recovery. The more we do the stronger and more appealing our self-image will be.

One final point is worth making. We’re all capable of doing incredible things. The only way to know the person that we want to become is to start by doing what we can do – today.

How we choose to view our world makes all the difference in whether or not we feel that we are successful in our endeavors. And these endeavors take on all the more meaning when we’re coming at them in early recovery. It’s at this time when we often feel as if we’re climbing up from the bottom of a barrel. We can hardly see the rim, let alone beyond it. We don’t know if we have the strength, let alone the courage, to keep on going.

How we long for the easy answer. Wouldn’t it be great to just wake up one morning and have this whole recovery thing figured out? Who wants to go through all the trouble of going to meetings several times a week, listening to others talk about how they got clean and sober or the pit of horror they’ve emerged from? We’ve already been there ourselves, thank you, and it wasn’t pretty. We hardly want to be reminded of it.

Guess what? We actually benefit by hearing others talk about how they found sobriety and what’s made a difference in their lives since they embraced recovery. It isn’t that any one person knows it all. None of us has the single secret that works for everyone. Each of us has a unique and personal path of recovery.

It’s also true that none of us recovers alone. Just as we felt enormous pain, doubt and confusion upon going through rehab and beginning our first days and weeks in recovery, so did each and every other person on the rooms. What makes a difference is when we learn how to change our thoughts, not only about recovery and what it takes, but also about whom we are and who we want to become.

It’s our world view that needs right-sizing. We may have put ourselves in a box because we believe that we need to be punished, or that we are being punished because of our addiction. While this is something that many in early recovery feel, at least at first, it doesn’t mean that it is deserved. Sure, we do have things that we’ve said and done that have caused harm to others. And for those things we definitely need to take responsibility and begin to make amends, wherever possible.

Changing our thoughts accomplishes so many things on so many levels. For one thing, simply deciding that we’re going to look at life as hopeful and filled with promise can go a long way toward lifting our leaden hearts and giving us motivation to take the first steps toward making the changes we want for ourselves.

Let’s say, however, that we don’t really see much hope ahead for us. We need to talk these feelings over with someone who can help us see that we don’t need to suffer for the rest of our lives. That someone can be a loved one, a close friend, our counselor or therapist, or our sponsor. While our sponsor isn’t a therapist and cannot serve as our counselor, it is the job of our sponsor to help us navigate our way toward an understanding of the recovery principles, and to learn about and begin working on the Twelve Steps. In the process, our sponsor has the ability to inspire us, to help us see where we’re going wrong, to gently encourage us to give it another try, if we find that we’ve hit a stumbling block.

Maybe all we need is a different perspective. It is somewhat of a radical change to try looking at things in a different light than we traditionally have. The truth is that there’s absolutely no harm in contemplating a different world view. Instead of waking up grumpy and miserable and dreading the day because we know we need to do certain things for our recovery, why not embrace the day as the beginning of our journey toward a desirable goal? That goal can be whatever means the most to us, whether it’s getting a new job, taking the first steps toward repairing a relationship, learning something new, getting involved in a hobby or meeting new friends.

Norman Vincent Peale’s words do have meaning: "Change your thoughts and you change your world." There’s no time like the present.

How often have we heard someone say about another: "He (or she) has an attitude" and think that this is a bad thing? Maybe we wouldn’t if we heard it said just slightly differently, maybe along the lines of: "She (or he) has attitude." With the elimination of the preposition "an" comes a huge difference, and it’s one that bears looking at.

Whether we think about it consciously or not, we all have attitude. What we think about a person, place, thing or concept is our own personal world view of it, in other words, our attitude. We are each a product of our sum total of experiences, some good, some bad, some falling somewhere in between. What happens over time is that our thoughts – and attitude – become colored or shaped by everything that we have witnessed, said, done and thought, along with what we think, see and say about others’ actions.

When we talk about recovery, having attitude is a wholesome and good thing to cultivate. Not the negative attitude, but the positive one. Having a belief in ourselves that we are capable and committed to maintaining our recovery and doing everything humanly possible to sustain it is a very beneficial attitude to have.

It does, however, take some doing. We cannot just suddenly have attitude, simply because we say we want to. We need to nurture it, cultivate it, and, well, work at it.

How do we do this? Is it possible for each of us to do it? The answer to the second question is yes, unquestionably. As for how to cultivate our attitude, we have to first figure out what it is that we admire and want to incorporate in our own behavior. When we admire another individual, perhaps for his or her stellar example of solid recovery, for example, we can find ways to model our own behavior based on what we see that person doing. Not that we copy everything, or steal it, but that we are inspired by that person’s behavior and seek to uplift our own so that we may achieve positive results in our own recovery journey.

The important point to keep front and center is that building our positive attitude takes time. It won’t occur overnight. And even when we realize that we have attitude of a positive leaning, it doesn’t mean that we won’t encounter obstacles and challenges that task our outlook. Sometimes things happen that we’re not really prepared to deal with. When that occurs, we should seek help from our trusted advisors, our therapist, our loved ones and family members, talk with our sponsor and listen to what others have to say in the rooms. With support and encouragement, we will be able to navigate the tough times and get through uncertain times.

This will also help shape our attitude toward our prospects in recovery. And we definitely need to fashion ongoing goals and make action plans that we intend to follow in order to achieve those goals.

Looking at recovery as an ongoing process, knowing that it takes time to learn and grow and heal, it only makes sense that we would want to adopt the best possible attitude toward our future life in sobriety. So, bottom line: we all should definitely have attitude. Without it, we are shortchanging our recovery potential. With it, we can expect to build upon our successes with each passing day as well as have a reservoir of confidence for dealing with the unexpected challenges that come our way.

It’s a subtle difference, perhaps, but a big one nonetheless. So go to it. Have attitude, and make it a good one, a forward-looking, optimistic view of our future and our ability to make good choices and pave the way for a stronger foundation in recovery.

If someone says that we aren’t spirited, or don’t show any spirit, and we’re in the early stage of recovery, is there anything we can do to find that spirit or even begin to cultivate it? While this may not be at the top of our to-do list, and understandably so, learning how to let our inner spirit show is something that will become more important to us as we gain firmer footing in recovery principles.

For one thing, in order to allow our inner spirit to show, it must be grounded in a strong belief in ourselves. Granted, this isn’t much in abundance for most of us, not during the first few days, weeks, and even months of our newfound sobriety. But the good news is that each and every day as we tackle our schedules and create goals and action plans for ourselves, we do find that there’s something a little more that we have to believe in than we did just the day before.

What signals to us that our spirit is starting to build? We become more energized, excited about the little things as well as the bigger picture. We find ourselves dreaming more, imagining a different future for ourselves or targeting a path that we may never before have allowed ourselves to pursue.

Laughter often signifies a perky spirit, one that sees the lighter side of life and doesn’t dwell in the past or harp on lost opportunities. When we find delight in everyday circumstances, enjoy spending time with our loved ones, family and friends, or immerse ourselves in a hobby, educational pursuit or recreational activity, we are building up our reservoir of spirit.

Does this sound as if there are different versions of inner spirit? The truth is, our spirit is unique to us. It is as much a part of us as our DNA or how tall we are, how we look, and what we think and feel on any given day. That’s an incredibly beautiful aspect about our inner spirit: how much we are truly unique.

Naturally, we may find ourselves gravitating to others who also have an upbeat, forward-looking attitude, one that reflects a generous inner spirit that’s eager to taste life and experience new challenges. We are just more inclined to want to be around such people, as their outward manifestation of a positive inner spirit is something that most of us find very appealing.

Who among us doesn’t yearn to feel great about ourselves, to be spontaneous in our appreciation of and delight in new experiences, in meeting new people, and in taking our recovery to the next step? But how do we really get there? How can we jump-start our inner spirit?

Try focusing on the present. Find something new or different about an everyday situation or task that you can marvel in. By that we mean there is always another perspective that we can have, even about things we encounter on a daily basis. If we’re tired of attending the same 12-Step meeting week in and week out, why not check out another group nearby, at least as a slight break from our normal home group. This doesn’t mean we throw out our regular group, just that we augment it with an opportunity to see new faces, hear new ideas being shared, and possibly discover new friends.

Any time that we can add to our repertoire of positive experiences by broadening our outlook, our circle of acquaintances and friends, and expanding our activities, we are helping to build our inner spirit. When we take it in small increments, not looking to make radical changes, but just to experience some positive outcome today that we work toward achieving, we will find that our inner spirit will start to grow and continue to grow.

It will also become very apparent to others, since our inner spirit will begin to show in everything we say and think and do.