The Insidious Creeping of the Bad Old Days

Beware of those tentacles reaching out from the past because they have one thing in mind, leading you back to a drink or drug.  I’m talking about an insidious creeping in of old behaviors and attitudes that can take down anyone, no matter how much time you have in sobriety. I used the picture of ivy because that’s what I think really captures this phenomenon.  You have a wall – the wreckage has been cleared away and it’s like a clean slate of sorts. It’s your new life sober.  You are doing really well, so well in fact that you don’t think you really need to worry too much about the principles of recovery.

Ivy can be a good thing if those branches reaching out cover up an ugly wall, but they are also a problem, especially certain types of ivy. They can damage the wall, even the foundation upon which its built. They find their way into cracks and crevices, exploiting the weaknesses in the wall.

So if there a bad ivy growing on  your wall?  Did you decide that a principle that kept you sober for the last five years isn’t really that important?  Have you started hanging around with people who abuse drugs and alcohol because you feel you are strong enough to resist? Are you really strong enough to resist?

Bad ivy can manifest itself in many ways, through changes in attitudes – more sullen or resentful – or through changes in behavior – more reclusive and insular. You can always cut back ivy, but unless you get to the roots, it’s tenacious stuff, weaving its way back across your life with little regard for where it goes.

We know when we’re letting bad old thoughts creep back in. We start to feel more impatient. We start to resent our friends and family and employer. We begin to avoid people who aren’t validating our negativity, and we gravitate people who are letting us know it’s ok to hate everything because everything really is an awful mess.

So if this describes your sobriety, maybe its time to dig down deep and figure out what is really going on. Is sobriety still at the top of your list of priorities?