The Risks of Relapse after a Decade of Sobriety

Relapse is always a traumatic and dangerous thing – who’s to say the person will make it back? I’ve always felt I never want to test it – I’d rather not find out that I don’t have another recovery in me!  I have written in the past about a friend who died after years of struggling with relapse (after over 15 years of sobriety).  I recently heard another story – very similar.  The woman married a man with about 10 years of sobriety. He relapsed.  She thought he should go back to AA. He thought he’d learned everything he needed in 10 years and could do it alone.  Needless to say, that didn’t work, and they are now divorcing.

I think the problem that faces people with many years of sobriety who relapse is that they believe things that prevent them from getting on track again. They believe they already know everything because they did it before (clearly they didn’t learn EVERYthing).  They believe the humiliation of saying, “I have one day of sobriety,” is worse than the prospect of deteriorating as an active alcoholic.  They believe if the program or whatever method they used the first time didn’t work, the system failed, so why bother trying it again (blaming someone other than themselves).

Frankly, I think the embarrassment is a big one.  I just say, go to a meeting where no one knows you!  Still, they don’t want to be treated like a newcomer.

This is the equivlaent of saying, after skiing down a mountain, that you don’t want to have to take the lift to the top again. They should just extend the darn mountain! I already lugged myself up there before!  Or someone who has major knee surgery and doesn’t want physical therapy – I’ve been walking since I was 2 – why do I need someone telling me how to walk?!  I mean if you take a class in college and drop out half way through, you don’t get to start in the middle when they offer it the next semester.  Try telling the professor – I already took the first half of the class last year, see you in six weeks!

Whatever obstacles prevent someone from getting help, the most important one to overcome is pride. Pride can stop you from saving your own life.  You don’t have much to be proud about if you’re dead.