Oh It’s Not an Addiction, I’m Just Having a Rough Time Right Now

Sound familiar?  It’s one of the big lies we told ourselves when alcohol or drugs were taking a wrecking ball to our lives.

I wouldn’t drink so much, if…(fill in the blank with the excuse of the day/week/month/year)

I’ve noticed when I see someone now struggling with addiction that I often wonder what the chances are that they will see the light.  Unfortunately, the vast majority of people whose lives are ruled by substances never do. Does it ever make you wonder why you were so blessed to have been able to open your eyes?  Make you wonder how you could break through the veil of denial and delusion and go for this crazy thing called sobriety?  Abstinence from drugs and alcohol?  Who would  have ever thunk it when they were out there believing they just HAD to have that drink or that drug to just feel normal?

Don’t get complacent. Those delusions (I think that’s more accurate than denial in some ways) can creep back in if you aren’t on guard.  They can start as little nagging thoughts, then lead to changes in behavior, and those lead to those old chaotic feelings and sense of needing to fix it fast.

I remember a guy who would “get it” every 60 days or so, get clean, then go back – my five years I saw him come and go, cobbling together a few days or weeks at a time, over and over and over.  Twenty odd some years later I always wonder if he ever truly got it.  I still remember his suffering – he would show up at meetings drunk and help set up chairs.   I remember a friend who was prescribed Xanax by a “doctor” at 15 years of sobriety.  He calmly explained how it was different for him -he had real anxiety and this was okay.  I remember when that led to Klonipin, then that fatal drink on a plane…I say fatal because he was dead 5 years later.

Don’t think that inner addict isn’t looking for opportunities.  Not every one has the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other, each giving conflicting advice.  (“Do it!”  “No, don’t do it!”), so sometimes it’s hard to remember that inner addict just waiting for its fuel.  Believe me, he’s  in there.  It’s up to us to keep him in his place.