Would You Rather Be Right or Happy?
You’ve probably heard this saying – that an alcoholic is someone who would rather be right than happy. I remember the bad old days when it was so important for me to be right, more right than anyone else, and if I were proven wrong I would feel a flush of shame and embarrassment.
It’s interesting to think about when this shifted – I was about four years sober, and I put up this art poster in my office. It wasn’t any artist I knew – it just appealed to me. One day it suddenly struck me that I was mis-reading the poster. I had been thinking the artist was someone called Berlinart. I realized it was actually the art show: Berlin Art – that was not the artist’s name at all. I thought this was a riot and proceeded to tell everyone in the office, “I’m such an idiot – I was all excited about this poster and this great artist I just discovered named Berlinart! Ha ha ha!” A couple of the gals in the office looked horrified that I would admit it. I may as well have declared I was a philistine.
But then I had another epiphany – a few years earlier I would have had that feeling I described earlier – flushed with shame and embarrassment, wondering if I’d ever said it to anyone and made a fool of myself by looking stupid. But now I honestly thought it was funny and I didn’t care what people thought.
Now to some this might sound like something minor, but to any of you who suffer utter mortification when you make mistakes, it sounds like a personal breakthrough.
This story isn’t exactly what they are talking about when they say we’d rather be right than happy, but it’s in the same ballpark because this phrase really describes a person whose identity is tied up in being “better” or “more right” than others.
When you don’t need to be right you are so much happier.
3 Responses to “Would You Rather Be Right or Happy?”
Leave a Reply
You must be logged in to post a comment.
cwee
Saturday, 30th May 2009 at 6:25 am
I think a good way to make happy outweigh the need to be right its to keep track of your happiness.
Take a few minutes for yourself at the end of each day to write
down 5 positives/accomplishments. That way when youre frustrated on
worried you can look back on all you have to enjoy and look
forward to.
Damon
Saturday, 30th May 2009 at 7:38 am
Let me ask: If you don’t care what other people think, wouldn’t that make you like a homicidal maniac? Complete disregard for what others think seems a dangerous road.
Nice blog theme. Did you have it custom designed? If really looks nice.
Vee
Monday, 1st June 2009 at 9:23 am
You’re right – that’s true – you do need to work within the mores of your community and you don’t want to be a narcissist who thinks it’s my way or the highway
– I’m thinking more about worrying day to day about pleasing other people, worrying about what they’re thinking of you to a degree that isn’t healthy. I know I used to be overly concerned with whether people liked me then I realized, not everyone will and not everyone has to – but that doesn’t mean I have to go out of my way to prove I don’t care. I remember once I was teaching a class that was going really well – very successful, only one out of 25 dropped it. One of the students who stayed told me, “Oh he dropped it because he really didn’t like you.” I started to wonder why, obsess a bit – then thought – OMG 24 of 25 stayed and I’m worrying worried about the 1 guy who didn’t? Yikes!
Actually the design is a freebie I grabbed off a website – notepad chaos – it just really caught my eye.
Nice to have you here!