How to Find Meaning When Life Seems Hopeless in Recovery by Guest Writer Suzanne K

It’s a terrible thing to feel like your life has no meaning and that every day is an exercise in futility. That, unfortunately, is the experience of many addicts in recovery – but it doesn’t have to be this way. Sure, it’s easy for someone sitting on the outside to offer advice and recommendations, you say, but it’s another to walk in your shoes and try to wade through the myriad challenges and obstacles that seem to crop up post-treatment. How are you supposed to make sense of it all – when it’s difficult enough just to get through the day? Here are some suggestions to help you find meaning when life seems hopeless in recovery.

Will they work for everyone? No, they probably won’t, but they’re certainly a good place to start. The key is to experiment with different techniques and strategies. See what works for you and, if it does, elaborate on it and make it truly a good fit to your situation. If it doesn’t appear to be working, maybe give it a little longer before you discard it outright. The truth is that you’ll be more likely to see improvement if you work on a coordinated approach. In other words, utilize several techniques concurrently.

Work On Getting Outside Yourself

How can you get outside of yourself? That’s a good question, but what we’re referring to here is not an out-of-body experience like you may be familiar with from your substance-abusing days or time spent engaged in your past addictive behavior (gambling, polysubstance abuse, overwork, overeating, etc.). By getting outside yourself we mean that you ditch sitting around and feeling sorry for your life as it is and do something to get out of the house or environment (literally).

Change of scenery and circumstances can work wonders in the short term. Just having a different world view (outside in nature, in a hushed movie theater, going on a long drive) engages your attention, distracts you from your worries, fears, and emotional turmoil and offers your mind a respite from stress.

What you actually do to get outside yourself doesn’t matter – as long as it doesn’t involve harmful substances or addictive behavior and doesn’t prove to be harmful to other people, places or things. The length of time you engage in the activity is also not time-dependent. Do it as long as you can, and as long as you feel you are gaining a benefit from it. For some in recovery, this may be as short as a 20- to 30-minute hike or walk in the neighborhood or nearby park, or going to a comedy at the Cineplex with a close friend for a couple of hours, or just reading a novel at the bookstore or library on a regular basis.

By switching your routine, varying it, going to new places, you’ll be opening yourself up to the opportunity to meet new people – who may become friends, or at least, good acquaintances – discover that you have a new interest, or decide to pursue another life goal (job change, travel, getting or finishing a degree).

The more you expose yourself to new situations, the richer your life will be. It will not happen overnight, to be sure, but it will happen. Again, give this technique time to work.

Let Yourself Laugh

“Laughter is the best medicine,” a popular feature in the old Reader’s Digest (who knows, it may still be), worked on the principle that if you laugh, you can’t remain down in the dumps. Doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists, mental health and addiction treatment professionals all agree that laughter works wonders to help lift patients’ moods, curtail stress and minimize symptoms. No, laughter won’t take away all your ills, completely dispel sleepless nights, or make you rich and famous, for that matter. What it will do is make you feel better – and that’s enough to help you find some meaning in your life.

Oddly enough, and, coincidentally so, it seems, when you’ve gone through the rigors of treatment and are in recovery, it’s tough to find anything remotely funny. Look at everything you’ve endured. The fact that you made it on the other side of treatment is a strong testament to your commitment to being clean and sober and to learning to live a healthier lifestyle. For this, you deserve congratulations. So, go ahead – give yourself a pat on the back. As to how you can start to find a reason to laugh, or jumpstart your funny bone, here are a few ideas:

• Go to a comedy. – Yes, pick out several comedies that are playing at nearby theaters. Read the logline (the one-sentence summary of the plot) and see if it’s something that you could sit through for a couple of hours. If you like the stars, that’s even better. Don’t be worried that the logline doesn’t tell you too much. You can also watch trailers for currently-playing movies on the Internet, read movie reviews in newspapers, magazines, and online, or ask friends for recommendations of movies they found funny. While you’re at it, ask a friend to go with you (even if they’ve already seen it). When you’re watching the comedy, you don’t need to feel compelled to guffaw or belly-laugh – although those are terrific responses, if they come naturally and the movie warrants it. Even the briefest of smiles touching your lips is a good start to finding amusement in everyday occurrences. Of course, the more slapstick the comedy, appealing to the broadest audiences (mostly young males), the more likely some humor will provoke laughter in the audience as a whole. This can be a good thing, since it may prompt you to laugh as well. But subtle humor is equally beneficial. So, go for a few comedies and make it a regular outing.

• Read joke books or a comedic novel. – Buy a book of jokes or a funny novel, or read them for free at your local library or nearby bookstore. This is an easy and inexpensive way to let your mind stop worrying and concentrate on the words on the page in front of you. Something you read will make you smile. After a short period of time reading, your mood is bound to lift. You can also look up at your surroundings and take in the other people in your vicinity. Observe what they are doing, how intent they are on reading or enjoying their books or magazines or audiotapes. This gives you a sense of community – of being with others without being pressured to perform or meet any expectations. If you regularly go to a particular bookstore or library, you may begin to see the same people there, some of whom may become friends or acquaintances. You have something in common. This is also good.\

• Take in a comedy show. – Every city and town has its version of the Laugh Factory, Comedy Club or something similar. There are also cable channels devoted to comedy. Make it a point to go to see a comedy show, stand-up routines, or watch them on cable TV. These entertainers are practicing their craft, honing their technique designed to elicit maximum laughs from the audience. One of these days, you’ll hear something that makes you laugh as well – the more, the better.

• Try to find something funny in every day. – This suggestion isn’t as bizarre as you might think. Once you start looking for things that are funny, or amusing, you’ll start to see them everywhere. It could be the double-take a young man gives a really attractive woman he passes on the street (admiring, but not ogling), or the cute interaction that your nieces and nephews or your small children have with each other and their friends, or something you hear on the radio, TV, in the next cubicle at work. Look for ways to smile. They will become easier to spot. And, the more you do it, the better you will feel.

Call on Your Support System

Sometimes you’ll feel down and no amount of strategies and techniques will make a dent in your depression. When this happens – and it might – call on your support system right away. This could be your spouse or family members, close friends, or your 12-step sponsor or fellow group members. These are the people who know who you are and what you’ve been going through and have promised – and demonstrated – that they’ll be there for you whenever you need them. Usually, it only takes conversation to get you out of the depths of your depression or your gloomy mood.

However, in the event that you are sinking rapidly into despair, if you begin to feel suicidal thoughts or think you might act on them, call 911 or the National Suicide Hotline (1-800-273-TALK) immediately. Trained counselors are available at the confidential hotline 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and 365 days a year. They can talk with you and/or refer you to crisis centers nationwide. They will not leave you to your own devices. They will provide an understanding ear and assist you in any way they can. And the service is free – it doesn’t cost you a dime.

But, that’s the extreme and it’s only mentioned as a resource in case you need it.

Every addict in recovery is only as strong as his or her support system. That means that no matter how determined or dedicated or committed you are to your recovery, there will come times that you encounter challenges or obstacles that you don’t know how to handle. You may feel pressure to perform beyond your abilities at work, school, or in the home. Perhaps you find that your communication skills are insufficient for you to be able to get by in the work world, or that socially you feel inept. Your support team – family members, friends, aftercare professionals and 12-step group members – can help you with encouragement, recommendations, support and assistance.

Get More Therapy

When you’re feeling depressed and disheartened at your pace of progress in recovery, or cannot overcome the constant cloud of negative thoughts, maybe you could benefit from continued therapy. If your treatment plan includes aftercare or continuing care, get in touch with the treatment professionals and get more counseling. There are various types of behavioral therapies that may work to help you gain more coping skills and to practice healthier behaviors – thus, lifting you from the moroseness you now experience and giving you more self-confidence about your abilities and your future. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is one such approach. CBT is helpful in treating addiction to marijuana, cocaine, methamphetamine, nicotine, and alcohol, and you may have been involved in CBT during your treatment phase.

Aftercare counseling is sometimes referred to as booster sessions. The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) (http://archives.drugabuse.gov/txmanuals/IDCA/IDCA12.html) says “The purpose of booster sessions is to provide continuing support for the recovering individual, to encourage participation in a personal recovery program, and to ensure that the person has assistance available if any problems with maintaining abstinence arise.” The goals of treatment booster sessions are:

• Provide a reminder to the patient of his or her commitment to recovery.
• Offer support and feedback to the recovering person.
• Help the individual develop a personal program of recovery.
• Be available if a relapse or personal crisis should arise.

There are also private therapists, counselors and mental health professionals that may be able to provide you with the kind of counseling or additional assistance you may need. You may obtain referrals and recommendations from your aftercare professionals, from your 12-step sponsor, your personal physician, member of clergy, or others in recovery that have had good experiences with particular therapists.

You may also wish to try alternative therapies such as meditation, acupressure, acupuncture, massage, or yoga. Each operates on its own set of principles and philosophy, but they all have a goal of achieving mind-body-spirit balance.

Medication May be Appropriate

If you are, or have been, diagnosed with severe or clinical depression, you may be prescribed antidepressant or anti-anxiety medication. It’s important that you take your medication as prescribed by your doctor and continue to take it. Many individuals who are in the throes of deep depression think that the medication they’ve been prescribed is not working and they stop taking it. This is a mistake. It takes up to 6 weeks for antidepressant or anti-anxiety medications, for example, to begin working effectively. So, if your doctor prescribes medication, be sure to take it exactly as directed and continue taking it.
It is also true that there isn’t a single medication that works for everyone with severe depression. Dosage may need to be modified, or different medication substituted, depending on how you react to the initial medication. This also takes time, so be patient and work with your doctor in searching for the best medication and dosage that will prove most effective for your depression.

Recovery experts caution that being in recovery may mean medication-assisted recovery for some individuals. Just because you take a prescribed medication to help you in recovery doesn’t negate the fact that you are in recovery. It is simply an additional tool in your recovery plan. If you need medication, take it as your doctor recommends.

Live in the Moment

Often individuals in recovery focus too much on the past or try to see too far in the future. This is especially dangerous in early recovery when relapse is a constant danger. One way to try to combat this is to strive to live in the moment. This doesn’t mean do whatever you want right now and to heck with the consequences. It does mean keeping your concentration on what is happening now, on the beauty of the world and the richness of life itself – right now. Try to focus on the words another speaks, rather than think ahead to what you’re going to say or the next thing you need to do. Make an active attempt to share your thoughts with others – loved ones, close friends, co-workers – about things that are going on now, something interesting you just heard or read, a funny story or anecdote, ideas you have on how your group (or family members) can accomplish a task, project, goal. Wring everything you can out of each and every waking moment, not in a desperate way, but in a maximizing enjoyment approach.

By living in the moment, you’re not let off the hook for your responsibility to create short- and long-term goals for your recovery. You need to do this on a regular basis. It may be daily, as in scheduling, or weekly (again, scheduling, but also marking off progress and advancing to the next level), monthly, etc. This is keeping in the present with an eye toward the future. It is not judgmental, but objective. It helps keep you on track with the recovery goals you set for yourself and also allows you flexibility to change them (add, discard, change) as new opportunities arise or you reach your stated goals.

Be Open to Change

When we’re stuck, it’s hard to see anything positive on the horizon. By working to get unstuck, using the techniques outlined here, you will be giving yourself a chance to be able to see the positives that will present themselves in your life in recovery. Do yourself a big favor: Be open to change. By giving yourself the permission to succeed, and recognizing that you have every right and opportunity to do so, you will begin to change your mindset from one of hopelessness and failure to one of hope and success.

How long will all this take? It varies from one person to the next. There is no timetable or schedule etched in stone that is universal. Again, if something works for you, by all means make use of the technique or strategy. As long as it involves healthy behavior that helps you live a clean and sober lifestyle and respects the lives and rights of others, go for it.

Remember one final point. Change occurs to each of us every day. Life is all about change. To advance toward any goal in recovery involves change. Change is good. Change will help you find meaning so that your life will never again be hopeless in recovery.