Getting through Step 1

If you are using the steps to build a lasting recovery, Step 1 is the foundation upon which all other steps are built. No other step after it can be worked as it needs to be without Step 1 being thoroughly accepted. Why? Because if you don’t believe at the deepest level alcohol had made your life unmanageable and you couldn’t control it, you will test it again in the future.

If you just look at the step – admiited we were powerless over alcohol and that are lives had become unmanageable – it sounds pretty simple on the surface. But this step is a profound, life-changing step. By fully embracing this step you destroy denial. You understand your problem and you understand that you can’t control your alcohol intake NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO.

So if you have struggled with other steps, maybe slipped a few times, it may be that you didn’t really get that first step. You maybe understood it intellectually, but there may still be some part of you that doesn’t think it’s really true. You might still have some "ifs" in your logic. If I had a better marriage, if I had better friends, if I had a better job…if people were less crazy…I would be able to drink normally.

Sometimes the best way to get through the first step and really address it is to write out why it might be true.  Start with the basics:

List the five most embarrassing things that happened to you that you can attribute to your drinking.

Did those most embarrassing events impact your life after the event itself? For example, you got drunk at an office party and said something to your boss that was just so inappropriate that you no longer see any possibilty of advancement.  Or maybe you did something while drunk that permanently destroyed trust with your mate.

List any blackouts after which someone told you what happened and you totally don’t remember doing it. Maybe some of these are also your most embarrassing moments. 

Have you ever gotten a DUI?  Have you gotten a second DUI? If no to either, how many times have you been eligible for a DUI if the cops had just happened to catch you (some statistics say people who get a DUI drive drunk dozens of times for every time they get caught – some hundreds of times!).  If you don’t get caught, it still counts as a risky, life-threatening, bad act that could maim or kill others.

Have you lost any relationships – friendship, love interest, spouse – where your alcohol use was one of the things they said was a precipitating issue?

List five things you have done drunk that you would NEVER do sober and clear-headed. Some of these might very well also overlap with your most embarrassing moments.  Did you sleep with someone and regret it? Did you cheat on your spouse? Did you steal something?

List any physical effects alcohol abuse or drug abuse has had on you. List them all. Diarreha. Vomiting. Ulcers. Headaches. Depression (yes, alcohol is a depression – and your depression may be clinical, but it also may be caused by alcohol use). Bad breath. Body odor. Liver problems. Bad skin or hair.

Has your ability to be in social situations been diminished by alcohol?  For example, I reallly liked parties in my early drinking days. After a few embarrassing scenes, I prefered to drink alone at home.

What is the longest period of time in the last year you have been able to go without any alcohol or mood-altering drug?  When was the last time you actually had "just one drink?"

Do you hide how much you drink? Typical methods are to pre-drink before social events so you don’t appear to drink as much while there, hiding bottles or otherwise drinking in secret.

Do many of your conversations about your social life involve bragging about how wasted you were?  Do people seem to be glazing over at your stories of how wasted you were?

List five ways you have tried to slow down your drinking or drug abuse. These might include buying smaller bottles, switching types of liquor to something you don’t really like the taste of, switching from hard liquor to beer or wine, making rules like only drinking after a certain time or only drinking away from home.

List the most unmanageable aspects of your life. Do you feel like you are losing your grip in a relationship or at work? Have you stopped paying bills on time? Does your home look like a drunk lives there? How about your physical appearance? Have you let yourself go and lowered your standards?

Write it all down. It may seem overwhelming at first, but get through it. See how you feel when you are done. Put it in a drawer for 2 weeks then take it out and read it. What has changed?  What has gotten worse?  What needs to be added to your list?

This process can be a very powerful one if you are totally honest with yourself and lay it all out.