When Your Family Is Even Crazier than You Are

Face it: when you are an alcoholic or addict, most of the time the people in your family have a few shortcomings. Grin. I mean, I have rarely met a recovering person who had a story of perfect parents who never drank too much or who just lived these exemplary lives filled with continually good choices, a positive attitude, and an even emotional life.

I remember one time going to dinner with my father – he had decided to get sober when I did because when I told him what was going on he though, “Heck, that sounds a lot like me.” It was pretty cool because it seemed to be making him a less angry, more emotionally available person.  I knew not to hang my sobriety on his – because that’s never a good idea.

Anyway, this was a dinner about three years into my sobriety – and I was down visiting my parents for the holidays. We went to this little Italian restaurant they loved and the waitress came over to take drink orders. I ordered my usual favorite – sparkling mineral water (I just love Perrier – and it’s healthier than soda).  My dad looked up and ordered a beer.  Oh man. You can well imagine what my stomach did at that moment. It literally felt like the floor fell out from under me. I’m sure I turned red.

But what do you do?  It was clear by the way he ordered it that he had been doing it for a while, and my history with my father had been anything but warm and cuddly. I honestly didn’t think I could do anything but bite my tongue.

My father died a couple of years ago due to bile duct cancer. For years he had horrible pains in his gut and would pace the floor all night, unable to sleep.  I always wondered how much alcohol abuse may have contributed to whatever degenerative process that triggered cancer. Who knows.

All I can tell you for sure was that he wasn’t happier drinking again.