When Making an Amend Is Selfish

We know how important it is to make amends, but sometimes this can become a selfish act that defeats its very purpose. There are two specific instances that always come to mind when I think about this.

1. When you make an amend and expect some kind of gushing love fest in return. Amends should be made without an expectation of forgiveness or even acceptance of the amend.

2. When you make an amend to get something off your guilty conscience, but all it does it hurt the other person – because they didn’t know about it in the first place. An example might be telling your ex-wife that you want to make amends because you didn’t just have that one affair she found out about – you had four or five others, that you can remember, and one of them was her best friend. Yikes! Now you are going to have to make amends for making an amend that hurt her deeply!

An amend should be unselfish. Making amends is about taking responsibility for your behavior, humbling yourself enough to be able to admit you were wrong, and admitting that to another person. It’s simple and elegant really. If ulterior motives come into play they undermine the simple beauty of this act.