What Was Your Bottom?

If there is one thing you quickly realize in recovery it’s not to compare – the addict who still wants to use or drink will look for the differences rather than the similarities between  her and other people in recovery.   Denial says, “Oh you weren’t as bad as they were. You probably were just a social drinker. Drama queen.”

But another thing you quickly learn is that a bottom is a bottom – for that person, it was the final straw, regardless of how less or more dire the circumstances were to those of the guy sitting next to you.  Just as we all react differently to life events, we all react differently to the consequences of drinking or using drugs.  Some people are ready to get help as soon as they have one major consequence; some people will get help if they have a series of lesser consequences or if they are just, frankly, too miserable to continue.  Some people need jail to get serious. Some people need a DUI, or a failed relationship, or the threat of losing a job.

It’s not strange at all that people would be so different in their levels of tolerance of misery.   It’s true in so many aspects of our lives. Some people can put up with the worst relationship for years before finally figuring out, “Hey, this ain’t gonna work.”  Others need only a few solid warning signs to move on. Some people stay in a relationship despite years of physical abuse. Some people are out the door with one slap.

If you are the personality type who tends to nip trouble in the bud sooner rather than later, you might not need to find yourself unconscious in your own vomit in a stranger’s bathroom a dozen times to figure out you need help.  That’s not to say the guy who needs to have a dozen examples is a fool – that’s just his level of tolerance for misery.  It just isn’t bad enough for him yet.

My bottom was reached rather young and rather quickly mainly because I isolated – like crazy – and I had very little tolerance for the misery of loneliness. To this day, I have very low tolerance for misery, so if I can change what’s causing it, I try to change it.

So is this maybe an accurate formula – that your bottom will be determined by just how much tolerance you have for the misery caused by alcohol and drug use? I’m not sure, but I have a feeling it’s true for many people.