Family

Today I was reminded about the importance of family – I went to the funeral of a man who was 91 years old when he died. We shared a birthday, which was always sort of neat.  I was good friends with his wife, who died at age 90 last year.  I met them both when they were about 80 years old and they became part of a coterie of friends ages 18 to 90. These were such interesting people – both had lived in Israel in the early part of the 20th century.  He was a brilliant man who had actually worked with Richard Feynman, the renowned physicist (my friend had found some letters between them that were fascinating, and a riot).

The big thing here that struck me was how his granddaughter had taken on the responsibility of helping her grandparents, yet their sons (father and uncle) had done little to support her. There were fractious relationships throughout the family, but it reminded me that in the end those issues mean little.  This pair had made a point of creating strong relationships, so that even though they had outlived most of their contemporaries, their funerals were well attended and many heart-felt speeches were made. They had, in fact, created new families.

I think the ones who lost in this story were the children who decided they could not let go of their resentments. The granddaughter loved her grandfather (and incidentally, he was her grandfather by marriage, not by blood) and made sure he was comfortable. He also had a wonderful brother a few years younger who was a virtual pit bull when it came to his care – making sure he got what he needed, when he needed it.

It was a sad day, but also a day of introspection and reflection. It reminds me that family is something precious and that you can create new families throughout your life.