Holiday Anxieties & Holiday Hope
As we approach Thanksgiving, Christmas, and other holidays this season, there is a different feeling in the air. For some, this is a time of excitement and anticipation – they are excited to get to visit family and enjoying planning a holiday dinner or shopping for gifts. For others, the holidays bring all sorts of anxieties and tension. If you are in recovery, this time of year can be particularly challenging, particularly in early sobriety.
If you are one of those who gets depressed during the holidays, it’s important to plan in advance and gather an arsenal of tools to handle the typical stresses of the holidays. Maybe you will attend some extra meetings – find out about sober holiday parties or plan one yourself. The important thing is not to isolate and become absorbed by negativity and pessimism this time of year.
If you have a family of active alcoholics, it’s important to figure out what will work for you. If you don’t think you can handle a family room of drunks – don’t. It can be easier to avoid family events that could put you at risk if you live far way – you can say you want to spend this season in your new home; you can let your family know you can’t be around alcohol and heavy drinking; you can plan your own winter holiday or create a new tradition that doesn’t involve drunk uncles.
If you are someone who feels pressure to give lots of presents you can’t afford, set your budget early and stick with it. You might even want a shopping buddy who can help you stay within your budget. You don’t want to add financial stress to your life when you are in early sobriety!
The biggest issue facing people this season: unrealistic expectations. The holidays do not fix families. All the pain of the past, the issues in the present, and the hopes for the future are not worked out from Thanksgiving to New Year’s Day.
For years I fought this feeling of disappointment everytime the holidays came around. Christmas often felt more like a “lesson in humility” than a celebration of anything. There was a feeling that somehow you were bad if you asked for a specific gift. It often felt as if we were being punished for wanting anything at all that time of year. It’s hard to reconcile that type of holiday when you see everyone around you filled with joy and a spirit of giving.
At some point I had to let that go: my family would never be typical and I was never going to change that. The only thing I could change was myself – I could create a holiday that I wanted and I could stop reacting to others’ seeming lack of holiday spirit.
I also found it was very important to give up that “I hate the holidays” attitude. First thing I did was create a few holidays of my own – my own tree, my own celebration – and I did that for a couple of years before I felt I could handle going home for the holidays.
Remember, if you are traveling and plan to be with some crazy family members this year, call in advance to find out where meetings are in the area you will be visiting. Let people know in those meetings that you are visiting – and if you are feeling pressured or anxious. Long distance phone calls are cheap enough these days (if not free), so there’s nothing wrong with calling your sponsor and support network back home if you are feeling frazzled and vulnerable.
The ultimate goal this time of year is to focus on what you can do to make this a celebration without alcohol or drugs – and begin to embrace your new way of living. The celebration is about truly living life as a fully conscious and feeling person. Sometimes that means setting new boundaries and doing what is right for you rather than what is right for everyone else.
