The Obsession Lifted?

OK I said some posts might seem controversial – here goes. I often hear people say the obsession was lifted by God. I am completely and utterly comfortable with people saying this is what occurred for them. However, that explanation, for me, seemed a little too pat.  First a little background: at the age of 6 or 7 I was already questioning my mother on death – where do we go? what happens to our bodies in the grave?  You can imagine how uncomfortable it made her.  So does questioning the absolutes many people in recovery hold so dear.

I do not in any way question the validity of that answer for many successfully recovering people. I just know there are people who are not comfortable with that explanation, and I think it’s only fair to share other ideas on this.

I have a pretty solid belief system surrounding this topic. I think it has more to do with the first step than the second or third.  I am one of those people who has never questioned my need to not drink.  I never had cravings. I’m in my 23rd year of sobriety, and I can be around alcohol without the LEAST desire to drink it.

Why is that the case when so many people either white-knuckle it or struggle during periods of their sobriety with cravings or temptation?  Was the obsession just lifted?

In a way, yes. But I believe this has to do with an utter and complete acceptance of the first step. I fully embraced the belief that I was powerless over alcohol and that when I used it my life was completely unmanageable. I had not one inkling of doubt in my mind that this was the case.  The allure of drinking was negated by the firm embracing of that fundamental belief: drinking alcohol was to me the same as drinking poison.

I am perfectly comfortable with other  “normal” people drinking because I know that for many it’s not poisonous.

I’m also allergic to avocados. I get sick as a dog if I get even the slightest little bit of it. I don’t test it. Why bother? I already know how I react. What am I going to do? Eat avocado to see if I’m still allergic?

I’m not bringing this up to deny anyone else’s reality. I’m bringing it up to help those who struggle with the second and third steps – to assure them that you can stay sober even while struggling with these steps.  You don’t have to become a religious zealot to stay sober.

It’s not in my nature to embrace dogma. My nature is to question dogma. I am not alone. I would not want to see people get drunk just because they struggle with dogmatic principles, but instead, I want them to understand that the key to sobriety is the full acceptance that you just can’t control alcohol’s effect on you. No way. No how.

People start drinking and relapse for many reasons, but I truly believe that under all the reasons (my life is too miserable, I can’t do it,  etc) is a fundamental flaw in thinking: you still believe on some level you can manage and control it.   It’s that belief that has to be destroyed to truly lift the obsession with drinking.