It doesn’t take a whole lot of thought to figure out that most of us in recovery have a tough time following our convictions. That is, we do when we first enter recovery. That’s largely because we’re still raw and vulnerable, totally unsure of what to do and where to go, let alone trust our gut.

After all, isn’t our propensity to give into whatever our most pressing need is at the moment – such as drinking, doing drugs, gambling, compulsive shopping, and so on – what got us into trouble in the first place? How can we ever begin to trust that what we’re inclined to want to do is actually good for us?

This can be a problem, but it isn’t one that’s insurmountable. The key is to begin laying the groundwork for learning how to make sound decisions. This will be based on strategies that we learn and practice, and then upon our continued experience both doing them and learning from them.

As we might expect, this turnaround in our ability to trust our thoughts and come up with the right decisions for us in recovery doesn’t just happen overnight. It will take some time for us to bolster our self-esteem and our self-confidence. Just know, for now, that it will occur – if we give it time and do the work required.

That’s the end result. Right now, we may want to know how to figure out what our convictions are. If we’ve never really had much in the way of strong beliefs, a credo or standard by which we’ve lived, there’s no time like the present to start developing one. If we once had strong convictions but let them lapse as we sank deeper into addiction, now that we’re in recovery, it’s a good time to revisit those former strong convictions and see if they still have value for our new life in recovery.

How do we know that we feel strongly about something and that it’s a conviction and not just an emotion? That’s an excellent question. Chances are, we will feel a strong emotion that’s associated with any firmly held conviction. Let’s say that we value family bonds above anything else. This is a strongly held conviction and one that should serve us well as we begin or continue our healing journey in recovery.

Another strongly held conviction that we may have intense emotion around is a belief in a Higher Power, or God as we know Him. On the other hand, it doesn’t have to be a Deity for us to have a conviction that involves the spirit. The spirit of man or our inner spirit can do just as well.

Suppose our convictions weren’t good at all? Suppose what we believed in for years was that we were worthless, that no good came out of anything we said or did, and that our future was predetermined and hopeless? Sadly, some in recovery have a background of lack of convictions or misguided convictions, which is where this surely falls. But the good news is that we can change that. It will take some effort, but, again, it is totally doable.

It may be helpful to sit down and write out things that we feel strongly about. If it’s easier getting there by looking at what seems to be important to others you know and admire, possibly your 12-step sponsor, a beloved family member or dear friend, start there. Grouping items into categories also tends to streamline the process.

Maybe you find that you’re curious about one or more of the things you’ve listed. This is a good sign, since it means that you harbor some sort of feelings about the statement or belief that you can build upon. If none of this works for you, try getting involved in an activity that you enjoy, one that brings you into contact with others who have deep and abiding convictions. The point is to begin somewhere, and that somewhere usually involves feelings of admiration. If you admire someone, it’s likely that what you’re admiring is their behavior that reflects strongly held convictions, ones that have served them well in their own recovery.

When you identify your convictions, or determine that you have some upon which you can build, keep steadfast to them. In other words, try to always abide by them. This will help you stay strong in your convictions and grow in strength in recovery as well. Be sure that these are honest convictions, though, not just something you think you can get by with. You need to be willing to live your convictions, and that means taking action to conduct your life according to them.

There is another quote that we’ve all probably heard that also makes sense in this context. "You are what you believe." Looking at our lives in recovery, it is not too difficult to see how this plays out. Let’s say that we somehow made the decision, albeit a very hard-fought one, to get clean and sober and even made it all the way through treatment. We emerge clean and sober and begin what feels like to us to be a hopeless prospect. We don’t think much of our chances of recovery. In fact, we’re certain that within a week or a month we’ll be right back where we started: stone drunk or strung out on drugs, back gambling or lurking for sexual conquests, or whatever our form of addiction was.

If we believe this about ourselves, it will more than likely come to be.

On the other hand, suppose that we come through drug rehab and enter recovery with the full knowledge that it is likely to be tough for us to go this sobriety route, but that we’re completely committed to doing whatever it takes to maintain our commitment to live clean and sober. What are our chances in this scenario? There are certainly no guarantees, whatever our mind-set, but the likelihood of us achieving success is greater than if we come into recovery harboring negative thoughts about our future.

There is a middle ground, to be sure. Many of us who are new to recovery alternate from feeling hopeful about our prospects and happy with our results to-date to feeling down on ourselves after we fail to achieve the level of success we anticipated or demanded of ourselves. It’s probably tougher to live in the middle ground than either of the previous two scenarios. Why is that? The simple truth is that life is messy and often requires two steps forward and one step back, then repeating the process again and again and again until we achieve success.

It’s also true that much of the work in recovery is repetitive. At least, it is to begin with, until we become grounded in the recovery principles and instinctively make the right decisions in certain situations that would previously have thrown us into despair or doubt. The more practiced we become in effectively dealing with cravings and urges, for example, the easier and more natural it will be for us to deal with them in a proactive manner the next time they resurface.

What we will find is that all of recovery involves a kind of building- block process. We won’t have a fully-formed foundation without first doing the groundwork before we then can begin building upon it. This means, in essence, going to the meetings, getting a sponsor, beginning the work on the Twelve Steps, taking proper care of ourselves, getting or maintaining a job, mending the relationships with our loved ones and family members, crafting and revising goals and action plans to achieve them.

We’ve heard, no doubt, that recovery isn’t a straight-line process. That means that we can expect there to be little detours along the way. Not to worry, we all experience them. Of course, that doesn’t make them any less uncomfortable, even painful, when we do run up against a roadblock. It’s how we approach getting past them that matters. We always have a choice. We can choose to be defeated by a set-back or a failure, or we can choose to learn what we can from the experience and move on.

Which do we think is the approach more conducive to our recovery? Yes, it’s to learn from our mistakes and keep on going. The key to a successful recovery isn’t what we encounter along the way, but how we approach dealing with it. Our attitude is critically important in helping us navigate what otherwise might do us in. Believe that we can do what we set out to accomplish. Believe in ourselves and in our recovery. If we don’t believe right now, sit down and figure out a different way. We don’t have to remain stuck in our old ways and our old, outdated beliefs. Remember that we always have the power to change. Take advantage of that fact and start work on this important aspect of our recovery: belief in ourselves.

It’s time to face an undeniable truth. We’re all afraid of the unknown, to a more or less extent. While it is normal to feel some trepidation when going into unknown territory, the fact is that we need to get past our fears and misgivings if we’re ever to make any meaningful progress in recovery.

Not that doing so will come easily to us, especially if we’re new to recovery, have recently suffered a relapse, or have a combination of addictions that we’re in recovery from. It is also true that some of us just aren’t that eager to venture into something we don’t know about.

Here’s a little secret: It’s all unknown. At least, it will seem that way to us when we first begin something new. And it doesn’t really matter much if that something new is a technique to deal with overwhelming cravings and urges or how to live up to our obligations when we resume work after rehab. When we haven’t been there before, we don’t really know what to expect. Sure, we can listen to what others in the 12-step rooms have to say about this or that technique or strategy, but it really winds up being our own action that will make a difference – or not.

Many of us forestall any significant progress in recovery by telling ourselves that we’re just not ready for change, that we don’t have any success in making difficult decisions and don’t feel comfortable embarking on anything new right now.

But, guess what? We’ve already made a tremendous change just getting clean and sober. If we weren’t up to the task, we would have given up long ago. So, put that on our list of achievements and get over thinking that we’re not cut out for sobriety.

Another common excuse, or rationalization, is that we’re not very good learners. We need time to adjust, we tell ourselves, as if the day that we believe we’ll be ready to move forward will come along anytime soon. When we start giving ourselves reasons for not doing something that we know we need to do to maintain our sobriety and continue to make progress in recovery, we’re not going to be realizing any successes in the immediate future.

There are all kinds of reasons why we fail to take action, even when we profess to want to. They may sound good to others, even convince some of our friends or loved ones, but they’re all still excuses of one sort or another. They’re just a means to delay taking necessary action. The result of our inability to push ahead into new territory is that we remain stuck right where we are.

That’s no good for our prospects in recovery. But the good news is that we can change our mind-set. We can begin the admittedly slow process of starting to believe in ourselves to the point where we’re willing to set aside our misgivings and try something new.

The truth is that, once we begin, it will get a whole lot easier. That’s not just the words of a well-meaning sponsor or family member or even others who have long been clean and sober. It is a fact. The more we learn, the more we grow. The more we grow, the more self-confident we become. What may seem difficult or scary today will become less fearsome the more we do it.

So what if something we try doesn’t turn out as we expect? We can still learn from the experience, and, in so doing, benefit our recovery. We may discover another avenue to pursue that would never have presented itself had we not gone forward in a certain direction. We will very likely meet new people who may in turn open up countless new opportunities.

It is all good and necessary to our continued progress in recovery. This doesn’t mean, however, that we should venture forth blindly. We do need to exercise good judgment, caution and weigh and balance what we’re going to do with what we know about ourselves and our abilities. Ask for help from our sponsor, our therapist, and our loved ones and family members — our support network – when necessary. Do get busy creating action plans and then do what it takes, even if that means venturing into unknown territory.

It’s so tempting to engage in the self-conversation or in talking with others about how much better life will be for us when we "find" ourselves. But what does that mean, finding ourselves? In fact, how can it mean anything, since we’re already here in the flesh, so how can we find ourselves elsewhere? Could it be that we’re projecting into the future, envisioning an "us" that we know we can never realize? Is this a futile effort?

There are actually two ways of looking at this. The first way is to use visualization as a process by which we picture our lives as something that is really important to us. We see ourselves in this future doing things or being self-confident or fully capable and, most importantly, happy in our surroundings, doing what we do. This helps motivate us to craft action plans to put those desirable goals on our accomplishments list. In this regard, we help "find" ourselves by figuring out the steps to take and then taking them. We’re on a path of discovery, one that involves us creating a new "us" in the process. Instead of finding ourselves, we are creating ourselves.

The other way of looking at finding ourselves is not such a pretty picture. If we remain fixated on the idea that we won’t change until we find ourselves, we’re not likely to do anything to either put goals on our list or determine the steps to take to achieve those goals. We’re also not very likely to do much of anything except to reiterate our mantra that we need to find ourselves first. This is a vicious cycle that can only be stopped when we pull up short and recognize how fruitless it is.

It’s pretty easy to discern which of these two ways is the more proactive. But the next logical question for many of us may be, how do we go from being not very up on ourselves to being able to visualize ourselves as who and what we want to be? The answer is that it takes practice and time. There are no quick solutions, no one-size-fits-all method. If we’ve never allowed ourselves to have goals, we’ll need to begin with small ones. And we all can do that, no matter where we’re coming from.

How we begin our day is one way to start. As we open our eyes the first thing in the morning, take in a few deep breaths, exhaling slowly through our mouths. This practice allows oxygen to get into our lungs and prepares us to rise from our beds and face the day. As we’re engaged in the deep breathing, visualize a peaceful, serene landscape or some image that fills us with happiness. No images of turmoil or conflict or pain should be allowed to intrude. This is a time for calm. When we do get out of bed, we’re more energized and better prepared to get busy with our action plans for today.

In order to create ourselves, we need to also nourish our bodies. Sufficient sleep is one important aspect of taking care of ourselves, but we also need to eat properly and regularly. When we were in the midst of our addiction, we likely didn’t take very good care of ourselves, but now that we’re clean and sober, we need to adopt healthier attitudes and behaviors in this all-important area. Every part of our bodies requires nourishment, the kind that we only get from food. Healing also speeds up as a result of proper nourishment. So, bottom line: eat a good breakfast to start off the day.

With a good night’s sleep and a healthy meal as a start, we’re off to greet the day and all of its opportunities. And we really need to adopt the attitude that each day brings opportunities instead of looking at them as hurdles or burdens to overcome. In every challenge there lies an opportunity. That’s what the old-timers in the 12-step rooms tell us, as do recovery experts, so there must be something to it. In fact, even though some of what we may experience today may be stressful or difficult, that doesn’t mean that we can’t learn something valuable from it and become stronger as a result of what we do to deal with it.

That’s how recovery works. That’s how we gradually begin to create ourselves. It starts with a vision of who and what we want to become. And we get there step by step, day by day, beginning right now.

Many times we hear from others in recovery that there’s no such thing as perfect happiness. We may even hear it from friends, family members and loved ones. But is this belief really true? Can there be such a thing as perfect happiness and, if there is, can we achieve it?

These are excellent questions, so let’s ponder them for a minute.

What constitutes perfect happiness in our minds, anyway? Is it the achievement of all our life’s goals? If that is the standard by which we measure perfect happiness, then there’d be nothing left to strive for, would there? It could be, then, that at the end of our life, if we’ve accomplished all that we’ve set out to do, we could say that we’ve achieved perfect happiness. Does that mean that we cannot feel perfectly happy in the meantime, along our path of recovery, during the years left in our existence when we are living our life in sobriety, doing the best we can for ourselves, and taking full measure of all the life has to offer?

The answer here must surely be, no, of course it doesn’t mean that we cannot feel perfectly happy. Happiness exists in degrees and is at varying levels of intensity depending not only on the individual, but the particular circumstances the individual finds himself or herself in. It also depends on the person’s world view, his or her set of attitudes and beliefs, even concept of spirituality or belief in a Higher Power or a God as we know him.

Let’s look at perfect happiness, then, not as a thing to be strived for, but that which occurs when we cease our endless pursuit of it. We already know that anything that we force ourselves to achieve comes at a price. We either push ourselves beyond our limits or cut corners and don’t give it our full attention. If we’re so focused on achieving happiness, the chances are very good that we won’t recognize happiness if it does happen to come our way.

What are we supposed to do to improve our chances of being happy, recognizing happiness, and having the feeling last? When we are in recovery, especially early recovery, but the recommendation applies equally well to each of us, no matter how long we’ve been in recovery, we should embrace each day as a new beginning, full of promise and hope, just waiting for us to take action. Then, we must be active and vigorous in our taking care of ourselves and attending to our recovery duties.

When we concentrate our actions on doing what’s best for our recovery, we are making incremental strides toward achieving the goals that we have set out for ourselves. With each goal we succeed in accomplishing, we enjoy a level of satisfaction in a job well done. We should reward ourselves for our achievement, take time to recognize and celebrate our accomplishment, and move on to the next goal, the next action.

Being forward-thinking and acting in the present helps us not only strengthen our recovery foundation, but it also brings us joy and a sense of well-being. For some, that is happiness. For others, it’s a step in the right direction. For every person in recovery, however, when we can feel good about our lives and our actions in recovery, we are helping make our lives more enjoyable, more fulfilled, and this brings us increasing serenity and peace. Stop striving for happiness and allow happiness to fill us up. That doesn’t seem so difficult to do, does it? Maybe at first it is, but if we remind ourselves that we’re not in a race, that there’s no finish line that we have to cross over, we’ll settle down and begin to take things a little slower. Appreciate what we have today, how far we’ve come, and the blessings we have been granted. It is all of these things that add up to what many may consider to be perfect happiness.

It’s at least an excellent start.