Much has been written about happiness. Men and women have opined about how elusive happiness is, what it constitutes, how to regain it once it has been lost, and offered sure-fire suggestions on how to achieve it in the first place, or how to recognize it when we feel it.

The truth is that happiness has gotten a bad rap. It seems that some believe that happiness is out of fashion. Look at the daily news. The stuff we see and read about often seems to be blood and tragedy. The line most often quoted about the news is that "If it bleeds, it leads." How tragic is that? What about the stories about people doing good things for others, uplifting tales of heroism and courage? Oh, they are reported, but not nearly in the proportion to the crime, misery, misfortune, disease and death.

In the recovery community, we all have seen our fair share of personal unhappiness. In fact, we’ve been responsible for a great deal of it due to our past history of addiction. It may be a stroke of good luck that we are currently in recovery, given where we’ve come from, but here we are, and we’re darn proud of it.

At least, we should be. We should also thank our lucky stars that we live and breathe today in sobriety. This should give us happiness because it is the result of hard work and determination, despite the many and frequent challenges that beset us along the way.

No amount of money will result in our being happy. How many rich men and women do we know who appear to be happy? Well, they may look happy, but at the core, they may be completely miserable. To be rich means an accumulation of wealth. When we amass wealth, it means we’re storing it up. We’re not necessarily using our bounty to help others. That’s not happiness, it’s greed.

Living in splendor also doesn’t bring happiness. Oh, we could marvel at the wondrous architecture and fine décor of a mansion, but those are just things. There’s no emotion in splendor of this kind. On the other hand, the magnificence of a sunset or sunrise is a kind of splendor that can bring us happiness. But this splendor is not a thing that we have put in our pocket, so to speak. We are not hoarding our sunrise or sunset, for it doesn’t belong just to us. It belongs to all mankind.

How many times have we said to ourselves and to others, anyone who’d listen, at times, "I just want to be happy." Who doesn’t want to be happy? But the truth of the matter is that happiness isn’t something that we can pursue. We can’t hold it in our hands like a gold watch or precious gem and have it all to ourselves. Happiness springs from within, and emanates from a sense of tranquility.

We can, however, help jumpstart that feeling of tranquility and accomplishment by action. When we are actively working our recovery, when we get beyond our petty preoccupations and strive to help others, we will be able to see the results of our labors. We will be filled with a sense of doing good, of having done good, and learning important lessons in the process. It’s these lessons that help us grow in both firming up our foundation in recovery and in the knowledge that we’re on the right path. And all of this will help us to realize the happiness that we’ve so long sought.

If we don’t believe it, there’s only one way to find out. Stop trying so hard to achieve happiness and instead, just get busy doing the best job we can with what we have in our recovery plan today. Happiness will come, but we will have to work in order to feel it.

One of the saddest things about recovery is what we don’t do or say about things that really matter. If we, for example, don’t stand up for our principles in recovery, we’re selling ourselves and our recovery short. We’re also stepping backwards instead of moving forward. All the things that really matter in the history of mankind, if men remained silent when such things were challenged, resulted in pain and suffering that lasted far longer than it needed to.

Yes, it takes courage to stand up to what’s wrong, to speak out about it and perhaps defend another or even ourselves. Maybe we don’t have courage in great supply, or even just a little. We may berate ourselves for our cowardice when, in fact, we may just be inexperienced or afraid that we don’t know what to say in that all-important moment when it comes time to speak.

If this is the case, there is something we can do to remedy the situation. Let our actions speak for us. If someone is having a hard time in recovery, and perhaps others are expressing less-than-genuine support and encouragement to them, we can step up and offer our own hand of friendship. Go out of our way to say a few kind words, to help the newcomer by listening to his or her situation, or perhaps introduce the individual to someone we know who may have experienced some similar circumstance and made headway overcoming it. In other words, we can be proactive. That will be our way of speaking instead of remaining silent or ignoring what really matters.

Of course, it still isn’t easy for us to step forward. Whether we open our mouths to speak up to defend another or insist on our own rights, we have to dredge up the courage and fortitude to do so first. If we don’t have any experience being forthright or proactive, we may need to enlist the help of our sponsor and/or counselor. If we’ve been long addicted to drugs or alcohol, we may need time for our thought processes and mental abilities to come back into focus. We can’t just rush into things, since our decision-making ability may have been seriously compromised by our past addiction. Once again, we need to remind ourselves that we need time to heal. We’ll make progress, day by day, one day at a time. As others have been kind to us and shown us the way, one day we’ll be able to do the same for another in recovery.

It also helps for us to ask for help from our Higher Power or the God as we know Him. We know we don’t have all the answers, but the answers for us are out there. Even if we only believe in the power of the spirit, or the power from within, we have to ask for the answer to be shown to us, for it to well up from within. Maybe it’s a miracle or maybe it’s us evolving in our recovery, but over time we will become stronger and will feel no reticence about speaking up and doing what it takes when things really matter.

When we first walked into the rooms of 12-step groups, we probably had no idea what we were in for. Oh, we may have had some inkling based on meetings we attended during rehab – if we went through formal treatment – or based on something we heard another talk about who’d had some experience in the rooms. But hearing about it or having only a brief introduction to the 12-step philosophy isn’t quite the same thing as doing it week after week.

Naturally, our initial foray into 12-step groups is when we are newly sober and trying to get a foothold in recovery. We’re so concerned with maintaining our sobriety that we’re like newborns just starting to see and feel and touch: it’s all new to us. Some of what happens in early recovery is pretty frightening. We don’t have all the answers and sometimes the questions we have are more than we can handle. It’s all we can do just to make it through the day, get to our meetings, and go home and to bed without giving in to our cravings and urges.

We work the Twelve Steps and do the best we can with our recovery plan. Over time, it may seem a little easier. We may feel like we’ve gotten the hang of recovery. At least, we know what to do and what our options are if we find ourselves getting into trouble.

At some point, we should start thinking about how we can serve others. Look at the newcomer that hangs back in the shadows of the rooms, too timid to speak, ready to dart out the door. Maybe we can step forward and welcome this person with a hearty handshake and a welcome or just a kind word. We were once that person, after all. We know what it felt like to be overwhelmed by the whole 12-step meeting thing.

There’s so much more to learning to serve in recovery than just saying hello to someone new. When we’re ready, our sponsor can certainly point us in the right direction to getting more involved in service to others. It’s a natural evolution of our progress in recovery and it strengthens the foundation we’ve already built for ourselves.

Another quote that’s often mentioned is a Biblical one: "’Tis better to give than to receive." In a way, we can say that it is better to serve than be served, but we’re not implying that recipients of service are in any way less than those who serve. Think of service as a way of giving back. While we may not be able to give back to those who served and helped us in our early days in the rooms, we can certainly do so for others. Another invaluable benefit is that serving others is often a way to feel great satisfaction and happiness.

Many times the wisdom passed down through the ages remains as relevant today as when it was first spoken or written. There’s more than a grain of truth in them. That’s why certain quotations retain their popularity. Think about the quote from Charles Dickens presented here. If we know anything about Dickens’ life and the characters and situations he wrote about, we are well aware that the man was more than just familiar with misfortune. Yet his work always presented a ray of hope for the human condition. Truly, his words are worth contemplating in our own situation.

First, let’s consider our current blessings. Surely the fact that we’re celebrating our sobriety is a blessing. So, too, is the fact that we have a ready and constant support network in our 12-step groups and sponsor. Don’t forget the blessings of having our loving family, close friends, and co-workers who care about us. There’s also the rich blessing of our good health. Even if we’re struggling to come back from serious medical and/or psychological conditions brought upon by our addiction, every day that we make progress toward our recovery is a blessing.

Reflection is a practice that we should be quite familiar with, anyway. Working the 12-Steps, we’re encouraged to reflect upon the things that we have done, are doing, and will be doing as we strive to build a solid foundation in our recovery. Reflection is contemplative. It doesn’t imply condemnation or beating ourselves up for things said or done in the past. In fact, if we focus on our blessings, it’s easier to come to terms with misfortunes or bad behavior that’s been part of our past.

Still, taking time for reflection doesn’t come easy for many of us. We’re so focused on getting done what we’ve put on our recovery plate that we may feel we just don’t have time for such frivolity. But nothing could be further from the truth. We need to carve out a few minutes each day for simple reflection. Don’t have anything else scheduled or allow interruptions during this reflective period. Wipe our minds clean and allow only thoughts of what we’re thankful for to occupy us. This need not take very long at all. Just remember to acknowledge our blessings each day. This practice will orient our way of thinking to begin to look at life in a more positive light – and will benefit our recovery no matter how short or long a time we’ve been clean and sober. 

“An oak and a reed were arguing about their strength. When a strong wind came up, the reed avoided being uprooted by bending and leaning with the gusts of wind. But the oak stood firm and was torn up by the roots.” – Aesop, writer, creator of fables (619 B.C. – 559 B.C.)

What do both of these quotes have in common? That they’re both many centuries old is obvious, but another point is apparent and that is that they both deal with the ability to remain both flexible and adaptable. In recovery, we know that we will face many trials and tribulations as well as be fortunate enough to experience any number of opportunities. How well we are able to overcome the former and recognize and take advantage of the latter will be largely due to our ability to be flexible and adaptive.

Both flexibility and adaptability require us to set aside our rigid ideas of what is or what we think should be. If we put an iron box around our minds, we cannot give ourselves the freedom to be creative. And we need a good measure of creativity, of thinking beyond ourselves, in order to see past our immediate circumstances. In other words, in order to be able to grasp what may prove beneficial to us if we do it, or to identify something that we should avoid in order to maintain our sobriety, we need to be flexible and able to adapt to changing circumstances.

Not every day will be the same. Some days will seem like a repeat of what went before. We may fall back on the tried and true and get into a bit of a rut. When that happens, we need to clear the cobwebs from our mind and get back to basics. It takes conscious thought to work our recovery in the present. Think about what it is that we want, and then take the appropriate steps to achieve it.

When challenges arise that we feel incapable of meeting, we should take a moment and center ourselves. Call upon our Higher Power or get in touch with our 12-step sponsor and talk about our need for strength in dealing with the situation. Keep in mind that the more flexible and adaptable we remain, the easier it will be for us to not only get through the rough spot but also learn how to better handle stressful, challenging situations in the future. In this way, flexibility and adaptability will serve us well in recovery.