Waiting Out Feelings

Ever had an overwhelming feeling that you just thought you couldn’t stand another minute, only to have it disappear soon after?  Most of us have. In the moment something feels intolerable and just too much to take, then an hour, a day, a week later, we can’t figure out why we thought it was so awful.

Sometimes you just have to wait out feelings.  You have to trust that the feeling will pass.

Cravings are like this too – cravings typically pass within 20 minutes. It’s unfortunate that some people don’t wait out that 20 minutes and act on the impulse.  However, experience shows that they indeed do pass if you wait them out.  That’s why some people find it helpful to focus on 1 minute at a time rather than 1 day at a time.

Feelings pass too. Even feelings that make you feel like you are going to die. First of all, you aren’t going to die from feelings;  second, feelings are not facts. They are feelings.

One thing many of us have in common is that we tend to really believe our feelings.  It’s all well and good to be in touch with how you feel. It’s quite another to base all your actions on feelings, because frankly, sometimes your feelings are false.

Sometimes it’s good to do a “feeling read” to get perspective on how feelings do change over time.  Try this. This about a time in the past when you had an overwhelming feeling that you just thought was so painful you didn’t know if you could take it.  Maybe it was the end of a relationship or some betrayal you experienced.  Try to find one that you experienced really dramatically but now have little or no reaction to it.

Kind of amazing. Back when you first had that feeling you likely thought you would never feel okay again.  Now you can think about that exact same event and the feelings are gone or pretty well muted.  You might have a little reaction, but no doubt it is far less than you had at the time the painful experience happened.

What are the consequences if you don’t recognize in the moment that you can wait out feelings?  If you hold on to the irrational belief that you will never get over something – will always feel it this intensely – you put yourself at risk for drinking again.  For some people, this belief that they will never feel better leads to suicide.  It’s absolutely critical to mental health that we fully accept that bad things happen, we are going to feel really bad sometimes, but those feelings will fade with time and we will survive them.