Time Time Time

The word “time” has a lot of connotations in recovery. People talk about how much time someone has.  They talk about milestones based on time – such as 90 days, a year, 5 years.

Sometimes in early sobriety people get a little annoyed with the whole time concept.  After the hundredth person tells them, “Give it time,” they want to run screaming from the room.

Unfortunately there is no escaping time – the ability to do things that take time is a marker for success. It takes four years to finish college and get a degree. If four years is just too painfully long for you, chances are you won’t finish college and get a degree.  That’s okay if that’s not something important to you – but if it is, you may later regret your impatience.

In sobriety, a person can approach time with a new attitude – in fact, it can go on that inventory list if it’s an issue you find yourself struggling with.  People say “keep coming back” because they understand things get better with time – they’ve been through it.

Impatience and in particular, a need for immediate gratification, are often hallmarks of the addicted person’s personality.  I can either go through the normal feelings when something bad happens, and feel bad for a few months, or I can take a pill and feel better right now!  Well, we all know where that got us.  You never really processed the bad experience, probably didn’t learn anything from it, and you have not developed skills for dealing with the next bad thing that happens.

One way I’ve always thought about time is this:  Hey, this day is going to go by whether I do the right thing or not, so I may as well use the time well and do the right thing.

Time will be there whether you are struggling through some tough stuff or blocking out your feelings. The difference is what you will be on the other end of that experience: a more mature, balanced person or someone who still can’t tolerate anything negative in your life.