The Compulsion to be Right (Not Happy)

I can’t think of one character defect I was more happy to be rid of than the compulsion not just to be right, but for it to be KNOWN that I was right.  I frankly can’t think of another character defect that caused me as much misery, shame, and anger as that one.

Total honesty here: I still like being right   – I just don’t have a driving need now to be right and for everyone else to know I’m right.   I also don’t feel overwhelmed with shame and embarrassment if I do something wrong and people see it.  Frankly, I can trip in public and not do the “look back” and grumble over something tripping me.  I can laugh! 

I always like to remember a time I fell in NYC. I was in college, and I was tired. I’d been pulling all-nighters for about three days for final exams.  The cubbard was bare, so I dragged my almost-corpse to the grocery store that was the closest to my dorm – ugh – 10 blocks to the corner of 110th and Broadway.  I brought a backpack so I could carry my groceries home more easily.

The trip back up Amsterdam Ave was a bit uphill, and I was so tired, with this heavy backpack weighing me down, that I lost my balance. I fell backwards and landed on the backpack.  It was disconcerting – I was on my back, exhausted, and the backpack kind of held me there.  Think: turtle on his back, legs waving helplessly.

Two young guys helped me up, but they couldn’t help but laugh. It had to be a pretty comical scene. I just wanted help up, so I was too tired to care that I was their momentary source of amusement.

I now love to tell this story (as you can see).  But in thinking back, the interesting part was how little I cared, mainly because I was too tired to bother. And I needed help!  If you need to get a chuckle out of my predicament that’s okay, because you lent me a hand.

I think this is true in sobriety. Sometimes you need someone to just lend you a hand. The shame of asking for help slips away when you are truly tired of struggling.  You just ask.