Passive Aggressive
Being passive-aggressive is a common way for people who don’t like confrontation to try to manipulate the outcome of a situation. They don’t want to deal with the conflict head on, so they do something “passive” to change or sabotage the situation. Some great examples:
Say an employee agrees to do a certain job, but “messes up” and acts as if they just didn’t know how to do it right. You know they did – they just didn’t want to do it in the first place, so by messing it up they make you look bad so you won’t ask them again.
You tell your husband he needs to do his share of the laundry. He takes all your hand-washable sweaters he’s seen you hand wash for years and pops them in the washing machine turned to super hot water. When he sees all the shrunk sweaters he tells you he had no idea and sheepishly apologizes: I’m so sorry – I guess I’m just not cut out for doing laundry.
You change lanes to speed up and pass a slower driver. He speeds up when you change lanes. When you slow down because you want to get back in that lane, he slows down too.
You see a person getting into their car and you want that parking spot. You pull into position. They see you and get in their car and proceed to take eons to check their rearview mirror, situate themselves, fasten their seatbelt, find their favorite radio station, check the air conditioner vent angles, while a line piles up behind you.
Your wife is upset with you because you forgot to do something she asked you to do three times, nicely. You come home to watch Monday Night Football (as you do every Monday during football season) on your widescreen high-definition television to find her and 10 of her friends watching a movie on that same TV. She smiles and says, “Hi Honey! Isn’t this great! We decided to make Monday night girls’ movie night and look how many were able to make it! Don’t worry – I’m taping your game so you can watch it later.”
I’m sure everyone has their stories of passive-aggressive ploys by loved ones, kids, spouses, friends, or family members. I remember reading a study once that people actually take longer to get off a pay phone or leave a parking spot IF THEY KNOW SOMEONE IS WAITING FOR THEM. Geez Louise! It’s a passive-aggressive world!
Needless to say, this method of dealing with life’s issues is hardly the recipe for quality relationships. Most people get a sick feeling in their gut when they realize they are being “punished” – which is essentially the goal of passive-aggressive behavior. Being direct is pretty hard for some people, but life lived honestly and with integrity just feels a lot better than life lived like a perpetual game of gotcha.
