How Honest Are You – with Yourself?

Sometimes we forget that honesty is not just about how ethically we deal with others by not deceiving them, it’s also about not deceiving ourselves.  Self-deception plants the seeds for relapse because it allows us to ignore real problems in favor of our little self-lie.  There are so many ways we can lie to ourselves without really recognizing it, although on some level we know when we are doing it.  There is a feeling of discomfort. If we aren’t willing to be honest with ourselves, we ignore or push aside that discomfort. If we do it enough, we risk relapsing because we want the alcohol  or drug to take care of the discomfort.

Sometimes it’s a good practice to simple ask yourself: Is that really true?  This question can also help us get out of self-destructive thought loops.

For example,  something bad happens and our first thought is, “Bad things always happen to me.”  First response: “Is that really true?”  Maybe your first impulse is to scream in your head: “YES! It’s true! It’s so true!”  And you scream loud because you want to block out the voice of reason that’s whispering, “Dude, that’s not really true. A bunch of good things happened to you this year.”

So we need to really ask the question with the intent of answering honestly: “Is that really true?”

Hmmm…just last month I found out my daughter got an A in math after months of struggling.  My husband got a raise.  I got to visit my best friend from college after not seeing her for five years.  I had an awesome dinner with a few friends.  My boyfriend told me he loved me for the first time.  I avoided a car accident that could have been really bad.  I made it past all the cuts at my company and still have a job.  My dog seemed sick and it turned out it was nothing serious.   And on and on and on.

Depression is a natural result of the type of thinking that puts “Always” at the beginning.  Who wouldn’t be depressed if that “ALWAYS” happened to them.  The truth is, it doesn’t always happen, and making that honest assessment can go a long way toward easing your frustration.