You Know You’re an Alcoholic When…

Many of you have heard the comic riff – you know you’re a redneck when…

So, here goes my version.

You know you’re an alcoholic when…

…you drink before you even leave your house for the party so you can get extra smashed without people noticing how much you’re drinking…

…you ask the guy in the liquor store for advice on wine and cognacs for “a party” you are throwing because you are embarrassed you have bought booze there three times already that week..enough to last a month in normal households…

You know you’re an alcoholic when…

…you switch where you buy your booze on different days so the stranger working behind the counter doesn’t judge you for buying too much, too often…

…you genuinely  can’t remember what you did that made your husband/boyfriend/wife/girlfriend so pissed off…

…your friend tells you you were really amusing on the phone last night and you are baffled because you don’t even remember calling them…

You know you’re an alcoholic…

…when you empty the leftover wine in other peoples’ glasses as you’re cleaning up the dishes, even though you’re already drunk…

…You keep a “public” bottle on the counter so family can see you aren’t drinking THAT much, but have a “private” bottle for your more excessive consumption…

…and yet your family still comments on how fast the “public” bottle is going down…

You know you’re an alcoholic when…

…you switch to an alcohol you don’t really like (scotch, blech) because you think you won’t drink as much if you can’t stand the taste…

…you switch back to your favorite drink later that same night…

And you really know you’re an alcoholic when…

…you get so sick from a binge that you still think you’re going to puke three days after the binge is over.

I’m sure you have some good ones for the list – feel free to add them in the comments!