Avoid Complacency in Recovery: Be Willing to Challenge Your Status Quo by Suzanne K

Congratulations on being in recovery. This is an incredible accomplishment and one you should be very proud of achieving. You know it’s been a lot of work and you probably had your doubts that you’d ever make it this far. But the fact of the matter is that you did, and that’s important to keep in mind. There are a few other things that should be at the top of your list as well, but those are the subjects of other articles. Here we want to concentrate on how you can ensure you continue to make progress in recovery. In short, you need to avoid complacency and be willing to challenge your status quo.

What’s all this about? Isn’t it enough that you made it to recovery and are doing just fine? Why rock the boat? These are good questions and perfectly understandable. After all, as long as you are doing what you need to do in recovery, that’s well and good. In fact, your long-term recovery depends upon you adhering to your routine, going to meetings, taking care of your responsibilities at home, work, and school. But effective long-term recovery isn’t a one-time thing. It’s an ongoing journey. This requires planning and revisions in course. It also takes some courage.

Just Because It’s Unknown Doesn’t Mean the Future is Scary

Many people in recovery don’t push themselves to go much beyond what’s in their normal comfort level. They may fear that because they don’t know what tomorrow may bring, it’s too uncomfortable to take a chance on trying something new. But without investigating what’s possible, you never get the opportunity to find out if you could succeed. This is very limiting. Why would you want to stick in the same job for years on end if, with just a little additional training or experience, you could qualify for a better position? Why confine yourself to your home community and avoid travel for fear of being in unfamiliar surroundings?

If pushing your boundaries seems a bit too daring for you right now, just keep in mind that this is something you should be working toward. It doesn’t need to happen right away. Definitely don’t just jump into something because you think you should. When it feels right, allow yourself to explore the possibilities of what a new job or increased responsibility might entail. Look into what you’d need to do to buy your first home or go back to school to start or finish a degree or get more training to increase your job skills—or prepare you to enter a new field.

Gather Information First

One effective way to make challenging your status quo less frightening is to go on a fact-finding mission. Gather as much information on the subject as you can. Do this over a period of weeks and months until you feel that you have sufficient information with which to either make a decision to move forward or not.

Information can include files you download and print or save on the computer or an external memory device (memory stick, CD, portable hard drive), hard copies of magazines, reports, books, pamphlets, posters, movies, applications, photos, transcripts, and so on.

If you’re highly organized, it’s easier to review the information you collect. Use a binder or folder for hard copies, or keep the information in a banker’s box or plastic filing box. The method you use to organize your information isn’t as important as the accessibility of the material. When you are ready to sit down and go through it, you want it to be readily available to you.

Just knowing that you have a wealth of information on the subject you’re interested in will go a long way toward alleviating fears about the unknown. The more educated you are about the subject, the better you will feel about coming to a decision. And maybe, when you’ve obtained all the information you believe you need, you’ll decide that this isn’t for you – but it may lead to another opportunity that you’d never have found otherwise.

Think of information gathering as a kind of treasure hunt. You never know what you’ll have until you start the process.

Talk With Your Family

Naturally, you don’t want to keep family members in the dark about what you’d like to do with your life. Now that you’re in recovery, they are the singlemost important people in your support network – along with your 12-step sponsor and fellow group members. Your loved ones should be the first to know if you’re interested in perhaps changing careers, learning a new trade, getting a degree, planning to travel, getting involved in something that can benefit the entire family.

What if things have been strained with the family before and during your treatment? What if you are just beginning to get back into the normal everyday family routine and trying your best to incorporate your recovery agenda items into this new life? Again, give it time. You don’t have to blurt out at the dinner table that you’ve decided you might want to leave XYZ Company and get a job as a fireman. Okay, this is an extreme example, but you get the point.

Choose your time and place for a discussion. It may be best to start off by talking with your spouse or partner first. Be sure to arrange a convenient time when both of you will be relaxed and not distracted by other obligations (like getting dinner ready or putting the kids to bed or just before you both dash off to work). Float the idea in a general sense at first. The reason for this is that you don’t want to alarm your spouse. If it’s new and a little scary to you, imagine how he or she will feel? Reassure your spouse that you’re interested in finding ways to improve your life in recovery in order to make life more enjoyable for everyone in the family. Ask your partner for his or her support and say that you appreciate any and all suggestions as you go forward.

Why brooch the subject at all? Maybe you’re just starting to think about your options and don’t want to reveal them yet. Well, there are two ways to look at this. One way is that you may feel uncertain about your partner’s reaction and are therefore holding back. Don’t you think your partner will sense this in you? The other way to look at it is that some of the plans you’d like to make will definitely impact others besides you. The sooner you engage your partner in the discussion, the smoother the road toward your ultimate decision. Remember that you are in a union. What you do impacts your partner and vice versa. Big or small, changes in your life – for the good of your overall recovery – impact others. The more support you have, the easier it will be for you to make an educated, well-informed choice when it comes to challenging your status quo.

Line Up Resources Needed

Some of the goals you may create for your recovery will entail many months or years of preparation. If you envision that one day you’d like to be a doctor or an architect or own your own business, you’ll likely need to craft a carefully-constructed plan how to get there. This involves many different aspects, from finding funding sources to pay for higher education, getting loans for small business, learning how to manage employees, gaining the necessary skills and practical experience – just to name a few.

The point is that you don’t point a boat toward a destination and expect it to get there by itself. It takes work to get there. You have to do something for a lengthy period of time before you reach the other shore. Line up the required resources and recognize that these will change over time. Be willing to roll with the tide. Do what you need to in order to constantly revise and refine your plan, getting more resources as needed.

Keep Moving Forward

Making life changes and challenging your status quo in recovery gets easier when you know you’re adequately prepared. You can never just sit back and figure that you’ve done enough. That feeling of complacency that wants to creep back in is an energy-zapper and confidence-drainer.

You might feel that you need a break from all your hard work. That’s certainly understandable. No one would deny that you need some time off. But definitely keep in mind that a break is a small breather. It’s not a permanent vacation from your push toward your recovery goals. And taking a break doesn’t mean that you forget about your recovery routine, stop going to meetings, or resume hanging out with the wrong crowd. It may be as simple as taking a semester off school, going away with the family for a long weekend (visit relatives, go to the beach), or just doing some fun things around home. When you’re rested, you’re more relaxed, and ready to get back into working on your goals.

What if You Hit a Bump in the Road?

Let’s say you’re going along, talking with your spouse or partner, working your plan, constantly revising and refining your goals and something unexpected happens to jolt you off course? Do you give up, tell yourself that you didn’t deserve it, that it wasn’t meant to be, or some other rationalization? Or do you sit down, consider everything that happened, and try to find a work-around? The term work-around is used when lenders are trying to renegotiate a mortgage, but it’s also used in business. When a project stalls, people get together and brainstorm how to proceed in the best possible manner. You
can do the same thing if you hit a bump in the road.

This doesn’t mean that you have to throw out your goals or stop working on them. It may mean that you take a detour or it may take a little longer. Perhaps you find out you need another semester to graduate or you’re missing certain credits. Maybe your funding fell through at the last minute and you need to obtain alternate financing. You may lose your current job or be transferred. Any number of things can cause a temporary bump in the road. That’s how you have to look at it. When you are challenging your status quo, you need to expect that there will be the occasional bumps. Be flexible and willing to continue pushing forward. After all, if the idea is sound and makes sense to you and your family, it’s probably worth continuing to work for.

How Far Do You Go?

Depending on where you are in your recovery, you may wonder how far you can go, even how far you should go. Is there a limit to your horizon? Have you created a barrier that doesn’t exist? The only limits to how far you can go are in your mind. What seems impossible now may be well past you five years from now. The hurdles you think you can’t possibly overcome today will seem insignificant a few months and years from now.

Think of challenging your status quo as a breath of fresh air. When things are getting stale – you start to feel complacent, too comfortable in recovery – doing something to push yourself to achieve new goals is the breath of fresh air. You’re energized and excited, filled with hope and eager to get started. When you reach the goals you’ve set, always have new ones lined up.

Remember too that opportunities will come along as you work toward achieving goals you currently have on your list. Be open enough so that you can recognize these opportunities that present themselves. You don’t want to miss a golden opportunity simply because you feel that it’s beyond your reach or that you’ve put too much time and effort into your current plan.

On your recovery journey you will meet many individuals who will make a lasting impression on you. These are people who may be the inspiration for a new career or for your decision to change your life in yet another exciting direction. If you keep growing and learning at the top of your list of things to do in recovery, you will not only be banishing complacency from your life, but you’ll also become an expert at challenging your status quo.

How far do you go in recovery? The sky’s the limit. And you know, of course, that the sky is without limit. That is to say that you are the one to determine how far you go in recovery – and when and where and why and with whom. Go on, challenge your status quo. The time to start is now.