In Praise of NYC Meetings…sigh

When I first moved from NYC to Los Angeles, I couldn’t stand the 20-minute readings at the beginning of every meeting. It seemed too ritualized, almost like church. In New York City the meetings are fast and furious, hard-hitting, lots of raw talk for maybe 1 minute from a dozen people.  In Los Angeles the meetings are lots of readings, lots of talking by one or two people – people who sometimes don”t seem able to edit themselves. At some meetings they actually have to use timers to get them to stop.  Yet some STILL talk past the timer!

Don’t get me wrong, there are some very excellent speakers out there that I love hearing, but I do long for those NY-style meetings still.  I once tried this group in Glendale on Saturday mornings.  I gave up on it after a while. It drained my energy. A woman from the group asked me, “Why don’t you come on Saturdays anymore?”

“Because it’s 2 hours of talking and talking and talking. It’s too long.”

She responded, “Well we want EVERYone to have a chance to talk.”

My response, “Some people need to stop talking and start listening.”

She thought about it a moment and then said, “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

I think meetings can be a great place to talk about your struggles, but is it healthy to whine for 5 minutes? I don’t think so. Sharing is about two things: 1) You want to articulate your issues to help other people in the room, 2) You are hoping for some helpful feedback from other people in the room who have experienced something similar.

My fear is that meetings that devolve into whine-fests turn off newcomers. It’s annoying to hear the long story filled with “then he said, then I said, then he said, then I said.” It seems self-indulgent. If even a timer can’t get you to cut it short – then really it’s just bad manners.

I think every meeting has a certain culture, so the best thing to do is try different meetings until you find the “culture” that appeals to you. So if you are someone like me who doesn’t want the details of someone’s cheating boyfriend’s escapades, just keep looking for the meetings where people keep it short and sweet.

And sometimes you just need to listen.